[The continuation of my journey] Changes, changes, changes...
then applying to the University of Phoenix ... that's right going to
college... online that is! in about a year or so I will have my
associates then begin working on my Bachelors... not sure if that is in
Business Management or Business finance. Job outlooks are very positive
in the Phoenix area both Metro and suburbs... apartments aren't that
bad either.... so there is a lot of stuff to start keeping track of!
Had an early morning (4am) today... meditation, shower then off to a
tub chat at SC's with W what a great time... he will be missed when a
move happens! The rest of today is just a relaxing day until rehearsal
tonight...
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days... heck I've even had the over the top busy days... but they all
pale to today! I guess one can label today as a clench you ass cheeks
and hold on busy days... I had six large print jobs to complete,
errands to run, a funeral to play and music to prep for rehearsal. I'm
still not sure how but it is all done and ready for delivery tomorrow!
Now I am wiped! (would prefer to be whipped but that is another blog...
I'll need to chat with MC about that.... ) I'm tired but it's a good
tired... could it be the meditation from this morning? While printing I
had time to set my laptop to download a bunch of podcasts from Alan
Watts and a zen cast of Buddhist information I'm burning it on a cd now
for later use... I've applied to the university of Phoenix for a BA in
IT... now all I need to do is figure when that is going to fit in the
schedule... I heard back from MB, what a boost that gave me to hear how
he feels I can do... now it's just to locate the Master that seeks that
in a slave.... time will help in that too I hope! well off to do some
reading... and some Tai chi!
[The continuation of my journey] It's a quiet day...
on... a nice day to just cozy up with a good book and a hot cup of Chi
Tea and relax! Fathers homily last night and this morning really got
under my skin... it was on what the Catholics definition of faith
should be... how it should be based on what the CCB and the Pope have
decided through dogma and the papal encyclicals read. It is because of
that reasoning that I have left the CATHOLIC religion... maybe in the
future when they realize that it is better in the long run to be
Christian than Catholic... I might consider returning... until them I
have adopted the Buddhist train of thought... simply to be true to
oneself and those around, be honest with self, love everyone as oneself
and treat others as we would like to be treated... in short - be good
to one another and live openly and honestly. Do I believe in God? I
believe in a higher being... a higher purpose. I don't like labeling
that as "God". Since I left over a year ago I have come to better
understand the energy within each of us and what that means in how we
do things. I've found my Spirituality that I lost over the years due to
the repetition of the Catholic Religion. I've found me!
just love that song especially when Jimine Cricket sings it...I have to
share last nights dream... as you know I've applied to a job in the DC
area... and am still searching for a Master... so in that light my
dream begins:I got the job in DC - repacked my few things and loaded
the truck... I drive to DC and meet with my sister and husband - i
settle in for a few days of visit... While driving around looking for
housing I decided to head north of DC about an hour north to be
exact... I came across a huge compound - rock walls edged the road high
enough that even taller trucks couldn't see in. As the wall trurned
inward there was a huge gate with a large sign over it that
read "MASTERS AND slaves TOGETHER" and under read "Dwelling Community".
I was in awe! I drove up and rang the bell - a wonderful voice answered
and welcomed me in to meet with the head Master. The gates opened - as
I continued in I noticed well manicured yards with medium sized houses
each gated off with a sign at the entry gate - "House of Master Larry"
- " House of Sir Stephen" - "House of Master Curtis" - "House of Lord
Brick" - "House of Master Tiano" - "House of Master Cuttler" and on
they went... towards the end of the road there were four multi story
buildings to the right "slave space" to the left "Master space" -ahead
a conference center and worship space. As instructed I visited with the
Head Master and was allowed to stay in the slave space building until I
could afford a residence on the property. Daily life there was great -
each household ran independently from the others, there was none of
this my way is better, your doing it wrong, I don't like you or your
ways so your not invited... just harmony, love and acceptance. Once a
month the community would gather for classes, rituals and togetherness.
Masters and slave sometime worked outside the community and sometime
stayed within but all had lives of their own. I lived there content and
happy serving not one Master but the community as a whole, things like
mowing Sir Stephens lawns, Dog sitting Master Larry's dogs and a bunch
of other stuff... then I woke up... what a bummer! Guess I need to lay
off the Guac before bed time!!!But what a wonderful dream!Time for some
meditation then breakfast!
light breeze... a great meditation and a great Tai Chi workout what
more can one ask for! got some early work done then went out to do a
few errands with the parents... took them to lunch and there just sat
to check emails and blog... work is done and now I have the rest of the
day to do whatever speaks to me. I might even take a walk ...
Every day of our lives, every word from our mouths, every interaction we have affects others. In some way be it immediately or over time it will affect someone. So think before you speak or write... and think before you don't speak up... that can affect just as much.
hour of meditation. Choir went well and even though it is snowing out
the day is a positive experience! Not much else to say right now but
will add more later.
day didn't go much better... I did my meditation in the morning hoping
that it would snap me out of the funk I was in... but I guess the
universe wanted me in a place of solitude and contemplation because
that's where my mind has been all day... thinking about work, moving,
what's here, what's not here... all kinds of stuff. Mas Master Steve
puts it "Monkey Mind!" I have to say I don't like it! Choir went ok
tonight got a lot of music passed out and ran through the needed stuff
but I left it off at that and closed up after an hour and a half...
let's hope tomorrow goes better!
degrees this morning when I got up for meditation. I'm lucky that my
room is usually on the warm side! Meditation was good did an hour then
had a healthy breakfast for coconut yogurt (thanks to the Crowne Plaza
of Phoenix!) and 1 cup of cereal - I'll have a cup of coffee later. I
need to do a few errands this morning then have planned a quiet
afternoon with just reading or pre planning on the books. I might even
work on my boots again... they are looking awesome! I has been great to
hear from ML and sb along with sc offering support when friends go
sw... I don't feel as alone. I've applied for a job in DC doing IT
work... starting at 45K plus benefits... not to shabby... the job is
close to my sisters work so I don't know... time will tell me where I
should be. Trust and patience will prevail. Well time to get dressed
and brave the frigid cold outside...
on where I am personally, with work, with the Maine community and with
my new found community.
Personally: where am I? alone, searching, wondering; those are just a few of the adjectives that explain. I didn't really notice it until the conference exactly how lonely I really was, seeing the other slaves busy serving their Masters, Daddys, Sirs, whatever... and I didn't have that until Saturday with Master BC. That short time that I was there it was like being home... I would have done anything for him. i do have to admit that when told of sw and mcs decision to relocate to AZ my heart sank to my toes. They (and of course SC) are my only link to anything here in the NE. It's pretty scarry to think of them not being here... so I won't think about it!
Work: Work has been Awesome!!! But here in Maine I still feel empty and unfulfilled. I do have some job opportunities in Washington DC that I am looking at but have also started looking at Phoenix ... and maybe NY or NJ... places that have communities that are not only active but respected.
The Maine BDSM Community: What a can of worms would be opened if this ever got public!!!What a bunch of two year olds in adult bodies! They whine, they stomp their feet but heaven forbid anyone should stand up and offer to do some work!!! So instead they sit behind their keyboards and flame people and continue the petty bickering. And they wonder why we hide under false names and ids on the system.
My new community: I've been in touch with a few new Spirit Friends in the SW. I feel so at home chatting with them. The Spirit track seems to be
calling me loud and clear right now but something is telling me to wait
and let the universe work its energy. So hard but yet I am called to do
just that!
So where does that leave me? In short - Alone, searching,
aggravated and disappointed with the Maine community but called to be
patient and let the universe do it's thing!
Whew!
do... I start the morning in meditation (I've come to really enjoy this
time of peace). My service has intensified (by this I mean my work
schedule and how I put everything into perspective), and lastly, my
perspective on where I am personally, with work, with the community,
with my new community, and with the crap that is thrown at me. I'll
chat about each of those later today!
meditated for an hour, I used a zen podcast to lead me in and take me
out of the meditation - it was great! Today will be busy taking care of
house stuff in preparation of tomorrows MAsT meeting. It's going to be
a small group but thats ok too. Returning to church tonight, should be
fun after not being there last weekend then meeting up with D for
dinner a movie and some chat and fun time. Haven't seen him in quite
some time! I'm looking forward to catching up with him. So in that note
it's time to get to work!
back to snow and cold (including 3 more inches of slop this AM) was a
rude awakening to reality. But I'm here and will deal with it cause
there's not much else I can do. Woke up this morning around 5am and
began with meditation - some sitting on the floor some on a chair. At
6am I got dressed and went out to clean the driveway, I found it didn't
bother me much, I was more at ease... maybe there is something to
meditation first thing in the morning!I've been enjoying reading
peoples blogs upon their return from SWLC, it's nice to see that my
feelings and emotions are not unique or odd but a norm.Well, time to
get some work done!
emotions still tangled in that whirlwind. I finally got everything
unpacked and today will take care of the laundry. I have a few printing
jobs to finish up and will get them delivered this afternoon. My next
project is to start ordering books on Buddhism, a call has already been
placed to the Brunswick group requesting information.So as i slowly
ease back into life I still revel in the emotions felt just last
Sunday!May it never end!
Saturday was an extremely difficult day for me. Values that I held in close regard were shaken, turned upside down, striped away... I speak mainly of the high priority I placed on religion and the place that sexuality holds within that. Yes for me that was a core issue. So for the largest part of Saturday I spent it confused, disorganized, and in a place of obscurity not sure what or where my next move would take me.
I was led to start Sunday off with a Buddhist meditation by Master Steve and was then planning of attending the Revival... but the Universe had other ideas! The meditation centered me to a point that I needed to sit with it and enjoy the solitude that it offered, it cleared my mind of the emptiness that I was left with the night before and left me prepared and open for the day to come. While waiting for the revival to start a brother slave asked for volunteers to move some of the dungeon furniture that was in the ballroom - it was in the way of the piercing set-up. So I volunteered... I was told to report to Master Bert. I assisted moving the furniture and then continued to assist in setting up for the Dance of souls and before I realized it had missed the revival. The Universe felt I needed the healing through service and being more comfortable around the implements used for the piercing - and so began the healing of my Spirit!
Upon completion of the set up I found myself more at ease with the whole piercing - ritual - thing that I was about to experience ... so I thought! ok... so... after checking in for the dance I get in line... On Saturday I had decided to go to Master Z for the piercing... He was seated right next to wen, then Sunday AM had changed to Master Bert (three tables down from wen), but as I hit the front of the line a little voice said "you need to see wen... there needs to be a healing... the draw was way to powerful - she had brought me to this cliff side and was holding me there showing me the endeavor that I so longed for - she and she alone needed to witness my jump into freedom... I owed her that honor... wen has said to me more than once that "when the student is ready the teacher will be there" - what I am coming to realize is that my teacher has been there gently (and sometimes not so gently) guiding me on the way to the cliff the whole time. That which I searched for doesn't exist... the idea of the "RIGHT" Master is something that just isn't there... but the idea of the "RIGHT" teacher is most often the least expected one... and often the closest one. As I sat in front of her I focused not on her but on her heart, her soul - her Spirit. It spoke to me not in words but in song and love, it is a feeling that I will not soon forget... the piercing began to set me adrift in the energy that existed in that room.
As I was settling in to the four new holes in my body I moved around the room to the beat of the drum group that was there and soon the room was full of spirits that were joined with others and yet I felt somewhat outside - Spirit joined but physically removed - then came a spirit leader with an energy all his own - he called me to follow him to the other side the room away from my quiet haven that I had found and settled in to... he called forth my spirit to move and be more vocal and so it did... the pull he put me through opened my eyes, my heart, my Spirit and I flew - the rooms energy invaded me like nothing I had ever experienced. After what seemed to be like an hour (but was only 5 minutes or so) he released me into the group where I was welcomed home. A short while later a large rope was encircled and all that could get in grabbed the rope in chant and people were led into the center to allow their Spirits to go free... as I stood holding the rope a strong hand touched my shoulder, a spirit-filled hand that is... as more people entered the center I helped that hand to the rope... and when Master Steve urged me in - the hand guided and never left... At this time I still didn't know who the owner of the hand was... the hand led me in and set the beat that we moved in unison to... the hand turned me around and without missing a beat our eyes locked - not on the physical but on the soul. I have never had an experience like this before - to been seen not as a body but as an energy - a Spirit and at the same time see the other as the same. M A and I shared our Spirits for a long time - never breaking the contact that we shared - He pulled me in many times, released me many times and I did the same we even shared a few physical moments. There was a connection that far exceeded any realm that I have experienced through my life.
During the dance I was able to share Spirits with many people some that I had met some that I never had... until then... so Spiritual friendships were made. The Spirit led me through the rest of the dance. I was witness to many different pulls but was most amazed with a hook suspension - I was mesmerized there is no better word for it... being able to fly physically and Spiritually what a gift from the Universe! The evening ended with prayer just as my day had begun but with very different outcomes - Sunday mornings was one of clarity in the emptiness the night was one of peace in the journey - a freedom - a realization of the Spirit within.
Monday morning was a peaceful time. A time to begin to say goodbyes to friends but with full knowledge that they were more than friends but Spiritual companions that had shared a merging of journeys.
I return to Maine knowing that my journey is about to leave the confines that have held me back. I feel that the journey may return me to Phoenix but I won't lock myself into that idea.
I will add more later!
a few road blocks hit that I wasn't expecting. I'll briefly list them
here and will blog in depth about them later...1. I guess first is
where I am in life right now... I have a great job, just finished being
certified in culinary arts, have a certificate in butlering and love
being back in charge of the music mistry at church... but even though I
feel it's ok to not have a Master and work on my inner stuff... I find
that I am growing lonely and with no focus ... and yet the "Master"
that contact me are the suck my dick Masters not the spiritual journey
Masters that I seek...2. This is just a personal observation that I
have with this conference... maybe it's because of the w/c situation
but I feel disassociated with people... kind of alone...I need to
decompress!
WOW!!! What a great day... very busy... did a final delivery of prints
to one company and picked up another from a different company.... It's
good that they don't need anything till next month! I made the
arrangements for the supershuttle in Phoenix to pick me up and drop me
off at the hotel where I will hopefully meet up with Master Larry and
slave barb... that is if they aren't busy. got my hair cut and fixed
the kitchen window... I also finished packing up all the Christmas
stuff and got it stored for this year.Haven't heard from w so not sure
what they are doing... but am sure that we will catch up once there. SC
is hard at work for the flee and all seems to be going well! We owe him
a big one for covering for us! Love you SC!!!Going to take a walk on
the treadmill then take a good hot shower and relax tonight... should
be leaving here around 1:00pm tomorrow!
forget", "judge not lest ye be judged"??? It seems that the Maine
community has forgotten those... and in turn have begun to erupt again!
Just because one person asked a few to many questions... it's become
such a crime to ask anything... KS jumps all over people like he runs
the community and others just jump on the band wagon! Seems too bad
that people can't just use the delete key!Today was another busy day...
a lot of little errands to cover before Wednesdays trip to Manchester
for an overnight... tomorrow is packing and calls to the hotel for
shuttle service... Everything for the flee has been delivered!Besides
that everything else is A-OK!
Tomorrow I need to finish up my music stuff and put together my folder for the trip then pick up the banner and deliver all that stuff to SC... which leaves Tuesday for packing and prep stuff for the trip... Wednesday we head out to Manchester for an overnight then I fly out Thursday!
I'm hoping to hook up with slave barb and Master Larry (maybe for dinner) on Thursday ... it will be nice to catch up with friends.
well enough for today!
night I received my certificate of completion. It was a good
night!Today started early - 5:00am! but it gave me time to answer some
emails and clean my computer off and store it on my external. plans are
all set for Wednesday and the following Tuesday hotel wise and flight
status is still on target... so it looks like a go for the trip. I'm
looking forward to catching up with friends and making new ones!Today
is going to be busy have some shopping to do and the need to prep for
church later... but the good news is that we start off with a temp of
19 degrees! HEATWAVE!!!!
head to the deep freeze... we hit a HIGH of 9 today... with strong
winds... bringing the wind chill to -16... yes people that is BELOW
ZERO!!! Besides that everything is going great. Work is busy, choir is
happily singing, the house is slowly being repacked away from Christmas
(yes the tree is still up till Saturday - which is little Christmas or
Epiphany (when the wise men show up at the manger)) and school ends
tomorrow night!!! Final plans are being made for next weeks trip to
Arizona... Phoenix that is....! I'm looking forward to it. Guess I will
be there well before w&C - but that's ok it will give me time to check
the place out and get a bite to eat. It will be fun to catch up with my
friends as they all arrive.well, time for dinner and a meeting at
church for Lent... EEEK!!! Already!
[The continuation of my journey] New Year and More Snow
3 day we have received approximately 18 inches of snow... woohoo! Not
much else is going on except for cleaning up after the holidays,
working and preparing for the trip next week! I have one more class
then the certificate ceremony! then I'm done!well, time for some coffee
then out to finish up the drives!
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