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[The continuation of my journey] Hit the floor running...hour Tai Chi... prepared my "To-Do" list for today and organized all
the stuff that I will need to complete the day ahead. I've even taken
my shower and had breakfast... so I thought I'd blog a little then
check my 62 emails. Just for the fun of it I'm going to stop and pick
up a few Lottery tickets... the Powerball is up to 155 Million and the
Megabucks is up to 5.5 Million... hmmm... what I could do with that
kind of money... sw&MC would have their dream home in Phoenix... I
would have a comfortable place to live in Phoenix, Mom and Dad would be
set up where they want and none of the grand kids would worry about
college... many people would benefit from a win like that... but I am
realistic enough to know that it is only a dream.... but hey! someone
has to win! why not me? Well! I'm off to tackle the world! May the
Universe be kind to me and to those that read my blog!Hugs to you all!
busy... I have spent my time spring cleaning the downstairs... ceiling
to floor and everything in between. I finished the kitchen floor
yesterday afternoon. Then in my spare time I compiled all the music
needed for March and the Easter season... so there was a lot of copying
and collating that needed to be done. I finished that today! Next week
we start dual rehearsals - that means Wednesday night 7 to 9, Thursday
AM 9 to 10 and Thursday night from 7 to 9... plus the stations that are
still going on on Friday at 3:00 pm... I'll honestly be glad when
Easter is over! Doing that and writing papers for class and keeping up
with the graphic work is starting to make a mark! but only 3 weeks to
Easter... then it will slow down to a low roar! Got a note from sw that
she is back from Dallas (splf) and Phoenix. It was good to hear from
her... it's been a while... should look at doing a lunch
soon!Physically, Mentally and Spiritually I am doing well. My life does
have some some balance even though it is hard to see. I continue to
meditate daily and do Tai Chi... it is my ground point.
things go.... how sorry I feel for them to not have the backbone to
move on and gain a new story. I know the life that they have... I was
there once... I used to feed the ego to be "right". I now understand
more how the ego destroys ones true being when allowed to rule.I
release the stress to the Universe! May she handle it all with her
wisdom!
"Talon from "Snow Buddies"
Wow... such peace and clarity from a wise dog. If you haven't seen This movie DO IT!! it is worth the rental or purchase price!
Talon makes so much sense... we are where we are for a reason and our purpose is to find that reason. We may not know why we are being sent to places like Phoenix... but the Universe has a reason for it.
quiet here! been working on the MAsT affiliation with Leather Retreat
business... gathering names and corrected email addresses for the
verification process. got a fairly quiet day today just a bit of work
then the stations this afternoon.... along with 1 to 4 inches of snow!
might just cuddle up with a good book and some hot cocoa (with
marshmallow of course!) and enjoy the quiet!
knowing that I'm not going... unless I win the powerball ($100,000,000)
or the megabucks ($4,825,000) ... Then I'll go!but I'm not holding my
breath... It's just hard knowing that my friends will be there
networking while I am here working... on the good side it just
reinforces my drive to make the move to AZ. Found the perfect apartment
complex... have been in touch with them... we'll see what happens.
finally got my info back from finance and everything is set for me to
officially start on Monday... so I guess being home does have one good
point... I'll be doing a lot of writing since no one will be around to
chat with.... :( I'll just sing.... All aloooonnnnnneeeeee, and no one
to talk toooooooooo..... ok I'll stop..... :P
Started reading it... and it got me to thinking... What is my purpose
in this life? and am I fulfilling that purpose? I do believe that this
question is a lot deeper than most will take it. Before I started on my
journey, my purpose was that of the business world. Title, $$$,
prestige, having a career, a home and a life... since my journey I have
come to realize that none of those are important... what is important
is finding who the real "Me" is, finding the authentic, the transparent
person that is within me. Am I fulfilling my purpose? I am on the
journey to fulfilling it but I don't see and end. what I mean is that
it is an all life journey. I will always be learning about myself and
always delving deeper into my core being. Never stopping the learning
process. Maybe I'm half baked and after reading this book may feel
differently but I do hope not... my journey has brought peace and calm
to what was a stressed existence.
conversation! I love meeting like this! Hard to believe that in 4 weeks
it will be sw's last meeting with us and the start of a new core
committee. It will all work out! today was a busy day, there was a lot
to get ready for MAsT and everything else... but I love doing it!
see the beautiful sun again today. I knew today would be a busy one...
cleaning for tomorrows MAsT Meeting, cooking for the bean suppah and
working on a MAsT transition binder... That feeling is back again! I
need to get out of here! I so envy sw knowing that the end of next
month she will be in AZ getting ready to start a new job and a new path
on her journey... I just hope that all goes as planned and MC can get
there soon. My plans still are pointed at early next year for the move.
Well I should be getting back to work, I still have a few more things
to add to the MAsT binder... then I need to find my room again! ARGH!
and absolutely beautiful outside! all-in-all it was a great day! that
about wraps it up for today! :)
how ego effects it and it got me to thinking how the ego effects a lot
in everyday life. Our egos direct how we groom ourselves, how we dress,
how we choose to smell, what kind of car we drive and numerous other
things. So what happens when we work towards doing away with the ego?
Do we go naked? walk everywhere? stink? I don't think so... I think as
we learn to minimize the effects of the ego we just cease in worrying
about and stressing over what others think and/or feel about us. So
it's not that we don't care about what others think but it's more about
what we do with the information... do we allow it to fester and self
destroy or do we allow it to flow through us and exit the body so as to
not self inflict? Since I started meditating and listening and
following the path of zen and Buddhist I have found myself not being as
critical towards what others feel and think. What they feel and think
is theirs to own not mine to accept, fix, defend or disagree with... it
just it.
everything that makes me... ME! I look back on my life and can clearly
see that the choices I've made haven't always been the best for me but
the decisions were mine to make. Good or bad I made them but always
took away a lesson again both good and bad. Like coming to terms with
being gay. Did I handle it the best way possible? no... but on the
other hand it allowed me the opportunity to tell the person that means
the most to me (Mom) first.I do feel that the way I was raised; to
stand up for who I am, what I believe and what I choose to do has
structured the strength that now I need to pull from to move across the
country and use the wings that I have been given to soar.The strength
that we all have inside and choose to use either positively or
negatively seems to not only come from the situation at hand but from
deeper wells within us, which also includes the ego. When that ego
strength kicks in key words for me are; I deserve ABC, what about me?, How
dare I not be XYZ? Where is MY share? why wasn't I chosen? things like
that... those point me in the direction of a self ego search.
I have been finding through self observation that I can make better, more
sound choices by having periodic ego checks and listening for the trigger
terms... and through this having a more positive strength to draw
from...
guess I did... and there is one good thing... I get to wear my leather
to go out and clean the drives... Yup! Full leathers, boots, slacks,
jock, Jacket, gloves, hat... ALL LEATHER.... yum! and you know what? I
just look damn good in them and I deserve a WOOF!I added a new page to
my blog sight... a health page - started this morning tracking my BP,
sugar, heart rate, weight, time and date... it might keep me more on
track knowing that my friends will also be keeping an eye on where I am
health wise.Today is a nice quiet day... no work due and everything is
cleaned up so I might just spend the rest of the day reading... working
on a good book... Ken Follett's "The Pillars of the Earth".
some major bruising and pain in the butt area from yesterdays tumble...
I found sitting on a pillow did help quite a bit but keeping my monkey
mind off the pain and on the listening was rough. I did enjoy the time
though... but I have to admit I decided to forgo the Tai Chi! Today is
going to be a busy day, I have a lot of errands to cover and a lot of
preparations to take care of before tomorrows pending snow! That's
right more snow! The weathermen are saying that by weeks end we will
have hit the 100 inch mark in snowfall... aren't we the lucky ones!Got
a great email back from ML&sb concerning a question I asked about their
play, specifically punching. This form of play was new to me so I asked
that it be explained and that they also explain what they get from
it... both returned emails of what in the play facilitates the power
exchange and the draw that it brings to them. Intimacy, connectedness,
physical contact and the ability to keep eye contact through the play
(not to mention how HOT it is). I have to abmit it is something I would
like to experience. Well it's off to work with list in hand! May the
Universe bless this day with peace and clarity!
ice... but that has come to an end! My end! I much prefer to get color
through good stuff like flogging, whips, canes, evil sticks and stuff
like that... but I guess when those are not available you get the color
any way you can... that's what I did! Was out plowing the snow and ice,
while backing up... bang! on the ground I went... what hurt more was
that I fell on my wallet... adding to the bruising... (must remember
that for future falls! :) ). But it is all good... I will live to plow
another drive!The "King's of the Hill" show last night was GREAT!!!
There was one blond sailor... WOOF! Would love to swab that deck... but
alas... She female... :( guess we all can't be perfect... lol... sorry
sw! Speaking of sw... SHE ROCKED THE HOUSE!!! was so proud of her! and
the MP3 sounded good too! SC was Hot in those leathers and high heel
boots! Woof to him too! I really must get out more!Meditation and Tai
Chi were a welcome opening to the day... AND... I lost 3.5 lbs last
week... almost down to 285 which is my month goal... 4.5 lbs to go this
month! Time to get to work! may the Universe bless this day!
looking at another 1 maybe two!!! ARGH!!! Not much to write about
today... church went well and the rest of the day was cleaning the
snow! Tomorrow is cleaning more snow in the morning... 8am Mass and
then the "King of the Hill" show in portland tomorrow night! I am so
looking forward to seeing SW in those beautiful boots! YOU GO
GIRLFRIEND!!! ROCK THOSE BOOTS!!!
1.5 during the day, more tonight and tomorrow and a bigger storm coming
in Saturday night into Sunday… joy oh joy! All I can say is I clear $20
per plowing next door! I’m just getting tired of the cold and snow!
Today was a busy work day but I started as I usually do very early with
an hour of meditation and a half hour of Tai Chi… Then plowed our drive
and walks, the neighbors and the churches, brought mom to the Dr’s,
went grocery shopping then came home… the rest of the day was designing
a new logo for a local lawyer… My first draft is at the bottom of this
post… hope they like it!
What a great day it has been! snow and all! A great friend sc posted
this saying to her blog I offer it here for you:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your Destiny.”
words; sine-meaning without and cere-meaning wax - Sincere = without
wax. Where does this come from? It appears Roman quarrymen used to use
wax to fill in cracks so they could sell the stone from the quarry.
Business men would go and ask if the stone was indeed "Sincere" meaning
having no wax and no imperfections.We are all called to a sincere life,
but we all fall short. Which is why we strive a little harder. We dig a
little deeper into our core for support and answers. Often the journey
leads to a place that needs a little help getting out of. So we seek
friends, mentors, Masters and teachers for support, clarity, and help
on the journey. Does that make me weak? no.. strength come from knowing
when to ask for assistance.So, one could say that part of our journey
is a search for sincerity. A longing for having no wax covering our
imperfections.
have to trust me that "live and let live" is an awesome some with great
words! I had a great dinner with Marc tonight, It's nice to have a
close friend like him. We can chat about everything from religion to
politics to how gorgeous it is to watch two or more men having sex...
now that is a friend! Too bad there aren't more Marcs in this
world!Tonight I struggle with cruelty. why there is so much in this
world. why there is so much in this community. I have vowed to myself
that I will not harbor any ill feelings towards the community. their
feelings are just that - their feelings... I cannot change them, I can
only step away and continue my journey learning the lesson that people
will grab any little tidbit of information they can and run with it -
good or bad and that is all part of life in a smaller community. I look
forward to reading MB response to my email tonight!
negativity. What ever happened to that time? Now it seems if you sneeze
somebody somewhere gets upset and causes problems. I love the
song "live and let live" it should be made our national anthem! I'll
see if I can find a way to plug it in to the blogger system. Today we
got another 3.5 inches of snow... Enough Already!!! Argh! lol....
Phoenix take me away! I'm supposed to go to the M/s conference but I
might be moving instead... we'll have to see!
too much? I asked that of MB and received a wonderful response. Simply
it's called transparency! Something that a worthwhile Master will
appreciate. Being able to vocalize what ones needs and desires are is a
wonderful gift to bring to an M/s relationship. But I sometimes find it
a hindrance in the search. Asking a Master if he is able and/or willing
to travel on a spiritual journey or at least be open to my having a
spiritual journey. This has been my key to ending contacts and
meetings... but in Maine I find that to be the norm. Spirituality and
being on a journey doesn't seem to be of high importance. thus making
the move so much easier! OK! Enough rambling for tonight!
practices go well together, an hour of quiet listening and sitting in
to an hour of stretching and moving to quiet music... what more can you
ask for! Today holds few surprises (that I know of). It's just work,
work and more work! but that's not a bad thing either. I do want to
take some time today to spruce up and update my business resume so that
I can start setting out feelers in the Phoenix area. I do know that
there are a couple of large banking institutions that are hiring in my
fields. I'd also like to check out the churches in the area concerning
pair musicians and vocalists. Seems there is a lot of research to do!
stuff done. Had Marc over for dinner yesterday... he'll be back for
dinner Tuesday... we worked a bit on some pics he needs touched up...
shouldn't be bad finishing those up! Got a real nice email from MB. How
I enjoy our email chats. Taxes are done and filed ... should get back
enough to pay for Washington DC in August! WooHoo! Wish there would be
more piercing there... Maybe MB could work some magic! I may go down
early for some family time with Sis & family then swap to the hotel for
Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night - Sunday I could go
back to the house for a few more days then head home.I'm not real big
on this hurry up and wait stuff with the financial aid package... I
have everything lined up and ready to go except the final financial
paperwork... ARGH!Going to go relax now and start reading "Pillars of
the Earth"
nice day to have a big cup of Chi tea and read which is exactly what I
did. Today we are looking at a mess in the weather department; snow,
freezing rain, sleet and then to just rain. so now that I have
meditation, breakfast and Tai Chi out of the way mom and I are going to
do a few errands before the mess hits later this afternoon. On a
personal note, things are on the right track... I know this because
there is a calm, peacefulness on the journey. I don't get agitated
knowing that there is no focus. My path is clearer and well on it's way
to the next step (whatever that may be).Have been chatting with MB on
and off and have enjoyed the insight he offers. Would someday enjoy a
sit down over tea for a long chat. As part of our last emails was the
topic of my four last places of service and how they negated my need
for family ties. I find in the long run that they really were not
Masters at all but Dom's trying to fill a roll in their lives. They
didn't understand or want to understand the kind of slave that I seek
to be. They wanted a houseboy, someone to clean for them and be a sex
partner for them... nothing more.... not at all where I wanted to be.
But the lessons I learned from those experiences has given me the tools
to define that which I seek.
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