2006 September - October

[protected post] hmmmm....

  • Oct. 28th, 2006 at 5:43 AM

It has been a long time... I just don't have the time that I would like... no... I can't really say that... I could take the time, but that would pull me away from Master... Last entry I posted I was having a conflict between serving the two Masters... don't have that problem now... haven't heard from Curtis in some time... but thats ok... Master Grizz has stepped in and taken full control now... and it's wonderful... waiting to hear about a job at St. Patricks... it would be perfect... full time at the church... meaning more time with Master... I've pretty much moved in but just not officially... we are talking about collars and about more permanant things ... it all still seems so surreal... but every minute that I serve is one more minute in heaven... it's everything I've been searching for and more... but this is just the beginning of this part of the journey... we are still learning about each other...
  • Mood: tired

[protected post] too many thoughts....

  • Oct. 2nd, 2006 at 5:34 PM

I haven't been real faithful to journaling lately... I have so much going on in my life right now that needs to be taken care of... the top of the list is the struggle between serving Master Curtis and Master Grizz... I find myself wondering if it may be time to jump... literally and physically... if I get the job at T-Mobile ... 30 or 40 minutes compared to 72 or more is a big jump... and a lot more gas...and I am so comfortable with Master Grizz... things are so right there... I am able to do as he wishes and still have the freedom to do more... and yet when he returns and I kneel before him he responds with good boy... what more can a slave ask for? Master Grizz is pleased that I am starting to foresee his needs and antisipate his desires... I have to admit it hasn't been easy to do that... Master Grizz is a complex man... but I live for the challenge... I look forward to friday and saturday to be with him again....
  • Mood: energetic

[protected post] The beginning.....

  • Sep. 27th, 2006 at 10:19 PM

today starts the longest stretch with Master Grizz, fully under His control... fully serving the way I should be... I have longed and waited for this for a long time... when I am with Him... I am in heaven.... His power, His control, his strength... lust or love... of course there is lust... Master is a georgeous man that knows what His slave likes... love... yes... as a slave should love his Master... not a relationship type of love but a nurturing love, a love that will grow as time goes on... as the journey progresses... my journey has taken a tangent... one that I hope will allow me to grow and mature as the slave Master wishes me to be.... time will decide a lot of things I guess....
  • Mood: giddy

[protected post] Catherine!

  • Sep. 26th, 2006 at 7:38 PM

What a wonderful weekend.... to actually be able to serve drinks to Catherine Gross... the Nine Fold Path seminar was sunday, she is an awesome woman... and her Sir (Ann Marie) isn't a slouch either....The entire seminar gave me so much food for thought... as time goes on I will be discussing each section here... to clarify where I am in all of this because I found a bunch of areas that I need to work on... so I will be doing that... Master Grizz and I chatted last night... He wants me there wed through saturday AM... that will be the longest that I've been there... I'll need to check on a few things first... but it does look pretty good... I need to do something like this for me... also getting out of the house wouldn't be a bad thing...I love them both dearly but I knew they would start driving me nuts sooner than later... emotionally I am in flux... meaning that I am still having a hard time serving Master Curtis with Master Grizz in the picture... there is a balance... I just need to find it... I know that Master Curtis is going through a change and I am too... so it is not unusual that our relationship go through a change too... it's just a matter of finding the balance and maintaining it....Much to chat about....
  • Mood: chipper

[protected post] why?

  • Sep. 21st, 2006 at 8:14 PM

Why can a person not be contently happy all the time? I know what I want.... I can see what I want.... I can grab what I want... but then I must let go... even for just short periods of time... I must let go.... I was so happy waking up next to Master this morning... got home to the bickering... I just wanted to pack back up and return to his waiting arms... and solid control.... why can't that be... Haven't heard from cage concerning the floggers.... aught to be interesting when i do.... lol... sucks to be them! oh well... at least I can smile and say that I've made it through another birthday! woohoo!
  • Mood:accomplished

[protected post] 2 days to go....

  • Sep. 19th, 2006 at 11:00 AM

seems like an odd title for a journal... but its true just two more days till my 41st birthday... it doesn't seem possible! there's a lot going on right now with Master Curtis... a new sub perhaps??? I know she is ok... but I had hoped that Master could have chosen better... I know he can... but it's not for me to judge... as long as he is happy... I have noticed that he doesn't multitask real well though... like on sunday at the MAsT meeting... I was hoping to spend some time either when he got there or before he left kneeling at his feet... but he seemed too preoccupied... as he has before... but yet I understand that he has his new sub doing that... I am not sure where to go with our relationship... I think time will be the best thing... and just not confront him or ask anything of him... Master Grizz fills my needs in so many ways that master Curtis doesn't seem to want to go with me... I know and understand that "play" is just that... but it is the personal time that I can spend with him... where he is present in the now with me... even just kneeling at his feet brings us both into the here and now moment... something that I find to be so important in any relationship... I wish Master Curtis could feel that, but he seems so stuck in the fact that I'm gay and he's not... how does one explain that it doesn't matter... I don't want him sexually ... I want him as a Master... something Master Grizz gives so freely... I am torn because I so want to jump off that cliff and find Master Grizz's hands there to catch me... and I know that they will be there for me... but I need time to ease into this... it is a scary jump to make...
  • Mood: content

[protected post] Confronting the Shadows

  • Sep. 14th, 2006 at 8:12 PM

"Learning to confront - and ultimately manage - you shadow, no matter how daunting it may appear, is an essential step on your road to spritiual maturity. Lucy's life is one illustration of how your world can change once you decide that you and not your shadow will create your future." - Sacred Contracts pg 131

The ultimate spiritual peace... to see, realize and understand your shadows enough to set them away so that they don't rule your life... I have shadows... that I know... but do I fully understand them? am I able to see and look at them? and can I put them away so that they don't rule my life? that's a lot to tackle... but I need to start working on it...

I chatted with Master grizz last night... and am happy to say that He isn't looking for me to be a majordomo in the house... he wants a personal slave... to see to His needs... not the house... that isn't to say that I wouldn't have household duties that would need to be taken care of... but my primary job would be to Master Grizz... That does please me...
  • Mood: happy

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