2005 September - October

WOW

  • Oct. 31st, 2005 at 9:51 PM

what a whirlwing of information wen is... tigger is going to set aside journialing tonight to prosess everything....

[protected post] trying to remind.....

  • Oct. 30th, 2005 at 10:55 PM

maybe tiggers collar was trying to remind him about something.... maybe who is is and who he belongs to.... tiggers collar seemed heavy today... not so much that is was in the way but heavy non-the-less, a valid reminder.... met scruffy tonight... quite the talkative one... but sounds real nice... it would be a pleasure to meet him someday.... got to see a picture of his chastity device.... tigger is mighty glad that sex isn't important to him... it makes tigger wonder what it was that really changed tiggers feelings on sex.... for as long as tigger can remember sex has been easy... just a trip to lower lisbon st could buy whatever he wanted.... male, female, trans, you name it... $50 and he was yours for an hour or so... relationships... thats where the challenge is... let's face it... what is the point of screwing around? self satisfaction... nothing important enough to worry about....
Tigger finds that working to build a strong relationship with Master, pup and behr is the only self satisfaction that is required.... family, relationships.... love

[protected post] thank you community

  • Oct. 29th, 2005 at 10:00 PM

tigger - that's boys new nickname.... tigger likes it alot... tigger hit a wall the past couple of days... felt a lot like sub drop... a seven day high... with little to no time to process and revel in the feelings.... once reality set in tigger found himself alone, forgetting that there are three of the most wonderful men on the west coast waiting to help tigger in his need. tigger will need to work on moving from a solitary person to a community member... this won't be easy for tigger... tigger is used to doing things himself... it's a scary thought to tigger to let go and rely on the community... and to allow the community to worry how tigger is doing... but pup, being pup... took a lot of time to chat with tigger and bring tigger around... pup is wonderful in that way... he takes that extra time to be sure that everything is ok... that is a wonderful thing... to be able to do that... to know that tigger needed to talk... Master has set up tiggers account on the Cagecommunity site... boys been doing some browsing and will continue till he knows the site well... Master is doing a wonderful job putting the site together.. it looks and reads great! tigger is so proud to be a member of cage community... and a slave to Master Cage, pup and behr

[protected post] the feeling can never end

  • Oct. 27th, 2005 at 11:48 PM

all day boy kept touching Masters collar, why? could be a number of reasons.... but boy feels that it is the realization that he is owned setting in along with the weight of it as a reminder. boy was given an award today at work... excellence in non-customer impact support... boy was suprised.
went to see wen and curtis tonight... had a nice chat.... pup seems to be out of sorts today, not sure what's up... maybe just too much work... too much travel.... it's ok.... boy needs to remember that Sirs position is with Master... not much else to chat about tonight...

[protected post] an awesome thought.....

  • Oct. 26th, 2005 at 8:54 PM

boy had a hectic day today... but not so bad that he didn't have time to reflect on a phrase that boy put in his journal yesterday.. "boy is owned"... what a deep and intreaguing idea.... married folks spend their lives together as a unit and one should not overshadow the other... partners the same together as one... but in boys relationship he is most content to know that his being is there for the sole purpose of bettering himself to better serve the Master and nothing else...boys being is no longer his to do with as he wishes... it BELONGS to Master. it is Masters to care for, nuture, love and support.... or strip down to the lowest form of life if He so wishes to do so... an awesome thought to say the least! boy is a possesion an object for Master to use as he sees fit.... what a wonderful time in this boys life.... how will Master treat boy? what will Master ask of boy? will boy be able to handle it? what will the community ask of boy? will boy submit as he should or will boys past life get in the way like it usually does? can boy put himself last so that Master may always be first? time will tell all... but with boys current attitude and feeling... he must.... for Master... for life.... is the term "slave" in boys future? can boy do it?

[protected post] a letter to slaves Master

  • Oct. 24th, 2005 at 11:17 PM

Dear Master Cage, pup and behr,

Please allow your new slave to take this time to thank you for all that you offer. You have given slave a new purpose in life, one that he had lost, one that was eating slave to the deepest part of his being. slave did start to doubt but realized when he met you that things would be ok…. Nerves can do weird things…. slave does need to admit that for the past couple of weeks he has been an emotional wreck. The simple thought of meeting ones perspective Master and not one but the two top community members, kind of gets the adrenalin running… and then to organize and host a meet and greet party. But slave being anal ended up with 14 lists of to-do’s and was pleased to see that they were completed in time. Even though pup said not to go through the work - that is not slaves way, Master deserves the best and slave made sure that he was given everything that slave could, slave only wishes that he could have done more… it felt so good to serve once again. slave would also like to thank you for taking the time to be sure that slave is pleased with the contract, slave finds that this shows the love and care that will be enjoy as time goes on. slave is anxious to begin his service to Master in a more involved, deeper sense… one that will benefit Master and the community.

Behr, what can slave say… your quiet presence and love of lifes experience is a pleasure. slave is very interested in future chats and exchanges of ideas and dreams… Your presence as trainer excites slave and makes him want to do as much as he can to please and serve in any way that he can… through whatever means are available…. It’s an exciting new life that slave has chosen through the help of Cage Community.

Pup, wow… there is no one that slave can even think of that comes close to you. Your love, patients, and caring for slaves well being is a comfort that has been needed in slaves life. Slave has heard of many online relationships not working… but slave firmly believes that because of your love for Master…this will work. Our daily text session assures that slaves heart is always with Master…

Then there is Master Cage, without whom none of this would be possible… Master, it’s hard to express the feeling that invades slave’s body when that is recited…. Master Cage…..Master Cage…. slaves owner… to be owned by one as caring and loving…. What more can a slave ask for?…. What more can anyone ask for? Thank you Master Cage…. Your slave will not let you down….

Lastly Master and Sirs, slave would like to thank you for accepting mom and dad… it means so much to hear that you are willing to come back next year to help move mom & dad and to help thin slaves stuff, their acceptance of you and your acceptance of them helped to make up slave mind in signing….and lastly Master… thank you for last nights play, it has been a long time since slave has been with a man… slave has missed that contact but will gladly refrain from that contact to honor Master…. But it didn’t end there… to be allowed to release at the hands of pup and behr for the sole purpose of pleasing Master…. What a thrill….

[protected post] a long hard day!

  • Oct. 18th, 2005 at 9:56 PM

Got a lot accomplished today... finished the house and the majority of the dungeon.. finally got the floor dried up enough to work.... tomorrow should be a bit more relaxing... chat tonight sucked... wen is out of sorts with personal issues, sakinah was out to cause issues and boy just wasn't in a chatty mood... oh well.... tomorrow is another day!

[protected post] boy is wiped!

  • Oct. 17th, 2005 at 9:44 PM

what a busy day... but mom, dad and boy got the majority of the house done.... just a few things tomorrow and the floors on wednesday.... and it will be done... got an email from work today... they wanted to know how my vaca has been going... sent back that boy can't complain ... It stopped raining... lol... no reply came back.... moms hands are doing great... and all seems well witht the rest of the family... finally!

[protected post] Awesome Day!

  • Oct. 16th, 2005 at 9:37 PM

today was fun... mom, dad and boy got a chance to finish all of the shopping for the week and party today.... it was a good chance to spend some quality time together... we have so little time to do that lately... even dad enjoyed his day... that made me feel good... bill & cristy stopped by... bill wanted his whip back... not sure what that is about... boy does know that cristy isn't happy with the way boy has chosen to do things..boys sorry that she feels that way but boy did what he felt what was right at the time... Had a great dinner with Larry and Maryann, it was nice to just dine, and chat... with no pressures....wen popped on-line they had just gotten home from NY... she brough up some good points about my hangups with the contract... she flat out asked what my issue was... boy told her that he was scared...scared of loosing who he is... scared of how much control he can actually handle loosing without loosing what makes boy who he is...... boy has spent his life in control... and the thought of going to no control scares the crap out of me... boy feels that he may just sign the contract to give boy the opportunity to prove to the community how each slave should be judged on who they are and what they have done in the past that makes them want to live the life of a slave.... and not stripped of their inner person for the soul reason of proving who's in control... boy feels that a true slave that truely wants to transfer from submission to slavery should be judged and placed where his past knowledge and history will best serve the community....

[protected post] party update - 1 week

  • Oct. 15th, 2005 at 10:39 PM

well... one week from today is the party... and still a lot to do.... sent out the directions with a copy of the invite... mom and boy started the shopping for the week and party and will finish up tomorrow morning.... boy will also stop at HD to pick up the last of the stuff for the dungeon... boy thinks he has everything under control.... boy just needs to keep up his lists and he'll be fine.... it was nice to sleep in this morning and knowing that I can do that all week.... wow... that will be nice! no word from Wen... guess she's having a good time in NY... tomorrow is her birthday... didn't see Curtis online today... must either be busy or away.... was supposed to go to MA on monday but that got cancelled... we'll go later....

[protected post] VACATION!!!!!!!!

  • Oct. 14th, 2005 at 9:26 PM

slave never thought it would get here.... vacation time.... 9 days with no tdbanknorth! nothing sounds as good.... slave likes his work there... but would much better like serving.....the Masters come in thursday, slave will have everything ship shape and ready to go for the visit. Boy is going to do a lot of online work for Sir... and will hopefully help with the trip plans.... found out that slave won't be playing thanksgiving... they decided to move the mass to another church in the cluster.... oh well.... slave is kind of glad....slave is doing much better tonight.... more relaxed. slave is going to center tonight to put his head back in the right frame of mind to complete his duties.... hopefully Master and Sir have reviewed slaves modifications to the contract and will contact boy to chat about it.... if not slave will contact Sir and/or Master..... so.. slave needs to prepare to center...

[protected post] ONE MORE DAY!!!!

  • Oct. 13th, 2005 at 10:30 PM

all boy needs to do is get through one more day.... then 9 days of vacation! WOOHOO!!! boy is ready for this..... going to MA monday to help aunt with computer, mom and dad are going to keep her busy.... I'll have a great time.... boy loves doing that type of stuff.... work again was over the top busy... boy doesn't know what's going on with the volume but he hopes it goes down for Barbara's sake.... boy won't be there to back her up.... oh that's not all... boy stopped by a friends house to pick up his tens unit that he allowed them to use... only to find that they dropped it... boy brought it down to the shop in Portland where he got it... hoping that they can either fix or repair it... they will send it out to the company tomorrow... boy hopes that he will get it back in time for Sir to play with.... and the lesson..... NEVER LET ANYONE BORROW GOOD ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT!!! Well... hopefully it won't cost an arm and a leg to get it back. wen is off to NY for her birthday weekend... boy got her a nice TY angel.... since she has been mine for the past year.... boy also made the card for her... love my stampin-up! :) boy's going to get to bed early to get a good night sleep for tomorrow....

[protected post] stop the world!!!!!

  • Oct. 12th, 2005 at 9:19 PM

today was an extreamly busy day.... ended up posting over 6 millions dollars... ouch! busy is a definate understatement! but we got through it as a team.... like we always do.... ended up getting out of work late and tires but spent some time with mom doing church work... then worked on the contract, still have some work to do... going to the boat tomorrow to deliver wens birthday card and gift... she leaves friday morning for NY... and doesn't return till monday.... everything here is shaping up great Sir, Master and Behr are looking forward to the trip as is everyone here. Last nights chat with Sir gave a new hope for this whole thing... a lot will depend on the reaction to the re-write on the contract.... slaves hope is that the community understands the point that is try to be made here.... slave doesn't want to come out of this sounding like everything has to be his way... but slave need to look at a major move on his part and feel comfortable in the move.... it's a hard line to draw and slave fully understands that.....

[protected post] a better day.....

  • Oct. 11th, 2005 at 11:51 PM

today was better... boy went to work early and got a jump on things.... so the day went better... even tonight went well..... started in the chat room... talking about if our service was a need or a desire..... boy feels for him it is a need.... yes he desires... but it's to fulfill the need.... but didn't really get into it... because Sir signed in... an boy had to chat about the contract with Sir... boy has been feeling out of the loop for a while and a bunch of little things have compounded themselves to make a couple big things... but Sir is allowing boy to re-work the contract to better "fit" who boy is... boy will work on this and send it to Sir for discussion.... Sir has also offered to postpone the collaring and signing until things are re-written... time will tell.

[protected post] a super long day!

  • Oct. 6th, 2005 at 9:55 PM

boy is so glad that he will be away this weekend.... today started at 5:30am, boy woke and prepared for work... got to work at 7am and got home at 9:15... boy was asked to assist with the final preparation for the big HUB conversion trip tomorrow ... boy was appauled with the mess that his manager had with the data.... so boy reorganized all the data and resaved everything cleanly on his laptop.... mike will be all set tomorrow to answer any question thrown at him.... boy to the rescue again! since boy did some major overtime, boy will leave early tomorrow allowing mom, dad and boy to get to belfast sooner and get more settled in.... boy is so ready for a long weekend away from everything... boy has some major thinking to do.... second thoughts are growing more rampant now... many questions need to be answered.... and the cookie cutter contract needs revamping... boy can see this contract and training process for someone that is young... new and doesn't know what they want.... boy isn't new... and boy knows what he wants.... he 40 years old.... if he doesn't know what he wants by now... he never will.... for what purpose is boy starting at the bottom rung of the ladder? boy was told beta at the beginning ....then it all changed.... why? what does cage community want in a slave?.... what purpose will this slave serve?....through the references that Sir and Master received sir and master should be able to see that boy has many valuable qualities... so why the doubt in boy? maybe cage isn't for boy.... or is it boy isn't for cage??? everything seemed so right.... maybe Sir just needs to chat long and hard with wen.... to get her voice on things.... boy doesn't know....

[protected post] day from hell!

  • Oct. 4th, 2005 at 10:16 PM

boy is exhausted... so this is going to be short and sweet.... today was hell! 2 people out and a crap load of work... boy ended up not taking part in the festivities because of the work.... Arghh!!! tonight went better.... boy guesses.... just a lot of thinking to do.....

[protected post] A busy weekend and a busy week

  • Oct. 3rd, 2005 at 11:29 PM

this week is employee recognition week.... so boy has a ton of things in the works for his crew.... todya was boy breakfast... it went off without a hitch! the games planned went off... and tomorrows festivities are ready to go.... the crew seems to be happy... boy hasn't heard any complaining yet.... after work and dinner took a little ride to portland for software.. but there was none... so boy called wen and Curtis ...and eventually stopped in for approval and critiques on his flogger.... all went well... it worked and felt great.. so boy will finish his matched one this week.... boy had a great chat with Master and Sir tonight... it has been a long time since we chatted... things just got busy.... but boy will see to it that he is more accessable.... Sir wanted to hear the details of the party.... and had a few questions... then boy asked Sir a few questions about the contract and manual.... but then asked Master if we could meet Thursday to chat about it... boy will have everything in order by then.... boy is so looking forward to the visit.....

[protected post] WOW!

  • Oct. 2nd, 2005 at 8:53 PM

what a party!!!! this was boys first overnight play party... boy found out that it was requested he be there.... it was a couples party.... everyone had a partner... except the host... so that's why he called.... boy dressed as instructed... and got there in the required time... walked up to the door and was invited in... standing in the entry way boy was introduced to the way the night was going to be.... and boy was in heaven.... he was instructed to strip except for cuffs, collar and ring... a leash was attached and boy was led into the room where the majority was naked... the rest were barely dressed, boy spent the night as bottom to his top... and no Sir, boy did not break his rules! but was played with in many new and inventive ways to boy... boy was impressed that he could bring out such emotion but such means... it was awesome... just being under someone elses control for such a long period of time was such a turn on... boy got home at about 12:30 on sunday and was understandably tired.... in more ways than one.... with this little taste of servitude boy is looking forward to life with Sir and Master.....

[protected post] it's fall.....

  • Oct. 1st, 2005 at 7:42 PM

Fall can begin now.... 110lbs of macs and cortlands.... and a beautiful day... even mom picked apples... boys getting exasperated with dad though... he might have to sit dad down and get him to smarten up a bit.... boy can't do it all all the time... he's wearing thin as it is... stopped on the way home and made the arrangements for their overnight at Maplehill October 21... $171 later..... ouch... wasn't planning on spending that much... boy is just in a funk right now... hasn't been in a real chatty mood.... seems to be to much going on with mom, dad, anne, the visit... everything... it's just a lot....
tomorrow is shaping up to another very busy day with fall clean up.... boy guesses he'll be ok....

addendum!

Guess good things come to those that wait..... just got off the phone with a friend.... and was invited to a weekend party.... that is by invite only... boy doesn't see Sir online so will have to explain later.... boy will be gone overnight and will return sometime tomorrow night... or morning!

so Boys off for some fun and play!

woo hoo!!!!

[protected post] finally back online

  • Sep. 30th, 2005 at 9:27 PM

wow, didn't think the power would ever come back on.... we were without for about 5 hours.... it came back on sometime during late night. slave had a great friday... was busy all day so it went quick... next week is employee recognition week... so we all get to play all week..... slave is in charge of the monday morning breakfast for the floor.... 72 people! but slave has it well onder control.... Master would be pleased with the plan slave has for the breakfast... Sunday, slave will be precooking the french toast, the sausage, the bacon, the toast... the tables will be set up and decorated with flowers, table cloths, OJ, cranberry, apple juices, coffee and hot chocolate and fresh fruit will be available.... the scrambled eggs will be made that morning.... it will all go off like clock work!

slave will be picking apples tomorrow and then hopefully going to the boat for Master Curtis and wen to check out slaves flogger.... sunday will be cooking time but will be around for Sir, Behr and Master to chat

[protected post] a busy day for boy......

  • Sep. 28th, 2005 at 9:35 PM

what a tiring day.... especially for a wednesday. boy had 6 back to back meetings after a training class on time managment... what a pain! but boy had to do it and did so... boy also left early to go to a doctors appointment because of his drivers licence... and to also have an HIV test done for the community... boys a bit nervous... he's always played safe... but condoms aren't always 100% ... will just have to wait and see.... boy thinks that andy was safe but not sure about before.... boy got home to find mom sleeping, she had CTS surgery today and came through like a trooper.... Sir did allow boy to wear his new plug last night again.... boy is learning to like it a lot more now that he has one that fits.... boy enjoys being able to please Sir with being able to wear it all night.... boy enjoyed the chat with Behr tonight... will enjoy canning and preserving with Behr next fall....

[protected post] what to chat about??

  • Sep. 27th, 2005 at 10:24 PM

after tonights chat boy doesn't have a lot to chat about... he's just to angry to chat.... tonights chat was on contracts.... but we started out with how legal a contract was.... boy deals with leagal stuff enough to know and even copied a paragraph out of a book stating in short that a written doc that was signed is a contract and as long as it wasn't entered knowingly breaking the law... than it is upholdable in a US court of law.... but no, they don't want to believe that... it scares boy to think that these are people that are able to make legal contracts.... boy feels sorry for them...

Sir, sounded good tonight... it has been a while since we last chatted... Sir is allowing boy to go another night with his new plug... :D boy did chat with Sir about how important a contract is for us and we do agree... and boy is glad about that....

[protected post] a night to let go.....

  • Sep. 26th, 2005 at 11:34 PM

Well, the era of going to styxx is over... at least for now.... tonight was the final BDSM/Goth party at styxx... it will be missed, just seeing all boys friends makes the time worth it... but we will have to find a new way to gather....

Today was one of those ... is it ever going to end days.... it was vary busy and very productive but it just sucked! thing like: the weather was nice on the way in... until we had a fire drill.... it poured! we all got soaked.... boy got his work done but then needed to print .... with a broken printer.... then tonight.... drop all the way to portland to find that Curtis and wen wouldn't be going.... but boy made it through....

[protected post] a return to church ....continued

  • Sep. 25th, 2005 at 7:46 PM

so... went back today... boy hasn't missed it the way he thought he would... it was just a fill in today... boy took no leadership role in anything... it was great... the choir was happy to see me back, boy was asked a couple of times if he had changed his mind... beys response... NOPE! boy enjoyed last week to much... and with october being as busy as it seems, boy will need all the time he can muster.... but it will be a wonderful month!

boy isn't feeling real well, so he is going to bed early tonight....

[protected post] a return to church.....

  • Sep. 24th, 2005 at 7:21 PM

boy will be playing again this weekend at Sacred Heart.... all should go well.... today was quiet so this entry will be short.... boy hopes that Master, Sir and Behr have a great time at Folsom St... boy will be thinking of all the great looking men that will be there.... hopefully Sir will take some pictures for boy.....

[protected post] ooops!

  • Sep. 24th, 2005 at 10:09 AM

boy missed last nights journal so he opted to do it this morning..... yesterday was a nice day... a good friday.... light on work and filled with fun... friday noght was supposed to be a movie night... but as Master Curtis, wen and I were about to enter the theater we decided that we really didn't want to see the movie... so Master Curtis said that he was hungry so we went to a great seafood restaurant right down the street from the theater... boy just found that it was really expensive.... boy had the cheepest appetizer plus a glass of sparkling wine and dished out $23.00... Entrees ran fro 17.00 to 38.00... just a bit pricy for boy... but the food was great... we then had out normal icecream and wonderful chat... heading out we stopped at starbucks then went back to the boat for more chatting.... boy got home just before midnight but was so tired form the wine and the starbucks... that he just crashed on his bed... but it was a great night....

topic: the need for communication.... boy has found that the glue that holds all bdsm relationships together is communication... talk before gives everyone involved a solid handle on where everyone is and what everyone wants... communication during allows the partners to grow together... learning the hadits and fears of each other together, and even communication after a breakup of mutual disolving of the relationship is important to keep the friendship open... closure is so important... but without communication noone involved knows where the other is at and thus the relationship grows stale... and will end due to boredom.... hopefully boy, Sir, Behr and Master will be able to keep the lines of communication open and alive....

[protected post] a day of love.....

  • Sep. 22nd, 2005 at 9:40 PM

today was a great day.... except for Sirs not feeling well and scaring boy by not contacting him.... but all is well, Sir stayed home and rested... as a good slave should... taking care of Masters property... boy had a good day other than that... all day he had a cute little bear watching over him... as he stood next to boys computer at work... it reminded boy all day that he is so loved by that people around him... not only mom & dad but the BDSM Community here in Maine, Master Cage, Sir and Behr... what more could boy ever want.... as boy said earlier over the past two weeks boy has felt more at ease with everything going on, more at home with the thought of being owned, more a slave to Masters will.... and boy has never felt this kind of feeling before... and it is wonderful.... boy wants to bottle it up and keep it forever... but boy knows that that is not total reality, there will be highs and lows.... hopefully more highs than lows...


tonights topic.... belonging..... boys overwhelming feeling of belonging to Master and the community helps him to be who he truely was meant to be... a slave to his Masters will.... boy feels that this step is a monumental one compared to the steps that he has taken in the past... this isn't just a follow through step but a major leap in the goal of slavery. Master, Sir and Behr are now boys life, this is what is supposed to be, this is where boy belongs... even through the onslaught of critisism from community members boy has kept on tract... so adversity doesn't seem to be an issue any longer....

[protected post] It's boys Birthday!

  • Sep. 21st, 2005 at 10:21 PM

what a wonderful day boy has had and still continues to have..... boy started the day with a beautiful card from mom & dad.... we decided that in place of going to a fancy restaurant that that money would go to the Belfast vacation in October.. the weekend before the guys get here.... The gang at work gave boy a nice card... signed by all.... that was kool! I zipped home... because I had to go do my drivers licence.... yuck.... but before boy left mom said ... oh there is a package for you... boy opened it... and low an behold.... a beautiful bear and a bag of gum....boy was overwhelmed....got home from that and dad hadn't started dinner... so I said ... let's go out..... we went and had a great meal at sam's.... but that's not all.... Sir called boy and we finally had a chance to chat.... it was so cool then Anne & Steve called then Aline.... boy also had a great chat with Master....

Tonight boy doesn't have a topic..... just the knowledge that his Master, Sir and Behr love this boy... and boy owes then a debt of gratitude.....

Thank you Master!
Thank you Sir!
Thank you Behr!

[protected post] an awesome ride!

  • Sep. 20th, 2005 at 10:32 PM

last night this boy had the time of his life..... wen has been working on being a Pro Domme (Mistress Artemis).... and she honored your boy with being her first bottom in the state of Maine.... what an honor! and she did an awesome job... she had boy flying so high.... her flogging was superb along with her other sensory games that she played... it was a full body experience.... work was ok today.... boy hopes that tomorrow is easy... being that it is boys 40th birthday! woo hoo boy was again suprised today when he got home from work he found a car from MA... boys aunt, great uncle and two cousins and friend were here... it was so nice to have everyone here.... mom got a cake (boys favorite kind) for dessert.... it was an awesome night....

tonights topic.... balance... this was also the chat topic tonight... boy has found his balance once again... it has been a rocky road since he left Master Bill but the harmonic balance that boy requires has thus far returned, boy, over the past couple of days boy has realized that he is a very lucky person to have Master, Sir and behr in his life along with a great family and many friend...

[protected post] wow!

  • Sep. 20th, 2005 at 1:19 AM

tonight was one of those Wow! nights.... and so was last night..... after boy signed off from his journal, boy chatted with Sir for quite a while... ending with boy requesting release .... Sir granted it and gave boy his directions.... boy followed them to a t... and held off releasing for about 20 minutes.... and when boy did... what a flood... it was great! boy was glad he put a protective pad down.... juice was everywhere! boy consumed all he could.... but wow.... tonight was the last night at styxx..... :( noone is overly joyed at the idea of not being able to go out to a club and playing... but ... what can you do....

tonight blot enjoyed styxx... it wa great and to boot paul got a flooging from wen.... will expaline later! :)

[protected post] wow.... what a difference

  • Sep. 18th, 2005 at 8:14 PM

This is the first week that boy didn't have to go to church on sunday.... and he has to admit.... it was nice.... boy slept in till 8:00am got up made a nice breakfast for mom & dad, got everything cleaned up then played around for a while then went to the movies with Master curtis and wen... an interesting movie to say the least....it was based around a joke... the aristocrates joke.... just in case you haven't heard it.... a father, mother, son, daughter, and dog go to a casting agent for a tryout.... they go in... the agent says ok... you have two minutes....show me what you do... so the father walks out on the stage... naked... starts jerking off.... the son comes out naked and does the same.... the mother and daughter come out naked also and go down on the father and son.... then they swap and start fucking and then the dog gets in an is done also.... once loads have been blown and fucking and sucking is done... the father starts taking a poop on the stage... they all join in.... they roll around and cover everything then start the fisting.... after a couple of minutes they all stand up and say.... TA DA! the agent sits back and says.... not to bad... I like it.... but... what do you call yourselves? the father pipes up.... "The Aristocrates!" ok.... so it's not real funny..... but the movie is about 50 or so comedians and that joke.... their stories about it and how and why they tell it.... it was so funny.... after the movie we did our normal icecream run then walked the old port... then we went to the boat and enjoyed a glass of wine with cheese and crackers.... it was wonderful.... boy is ready for tomorrow and chatting with his supervisor about fridays mess..... boy will keep Sir posted via text message....

tonights topic.... do we control each other without even realizing it? yesterday, boy was suprised to see Master Rabino and cristy here when mom & boy got home from shopping... well as Master Rabino was chatting with dad & mom cristy asked boy to meet with her on the side... so we did... and did she give boy an ear full.... apparently, according to cristy, wen persuaded boy to go to CA and to make the committment to Master Cage and Sir.... it was all her doing.... so tonight boy thanked wen for the persuasion...... we all had a great laugh.... but wen does have a persuasive nature.... but do we do that to others too?

[protected post] a crafty relaxing day!

  • Sep. 17th, 2005 at 11:14 PM

What a great relaxing day…. It started out with mom, dad and boy going to breakfast then off to do some shopping…. boy picked up a few things for the dungeon…. Then did some craft shopping… boy and mom dropped dad off and headed off for a bit more shopping… when we got home Master Rabino and cristy were here… so we chatted a bit, then they headed off…. We had a quick lunch then went to church… when we got home we had some dinned then played…. boy did three pumpkin floral arraignments and a wreath… it was so much fun and very relaxing…. boy hasn’t done that for a long time…


Tonights topic: a need to relax – boy finds that he requires time for relaxation, not all the time but enough to break up the monotony of life in general. boy has an idea that Sir and Master are the same….

boy is booking forward to his birthday this week…. 40 years old… didn’t think boy would live to see the day!!!

[protected post] good god almighty!!! the day from HELL

  • Sep. 16th, 2005 at 9:33 PM

today started out so well.... got up early, fresh coffee brewing.... what else could a slave want.... went to work and got an email at 7:00am ... boys manager wanted to meet ASAP concerning some "issues" ... crap just what boy needed at 7 in the morning.... so he got a fresh cup of coffee and off he went... HOLY CRAP! the things I was told... co workers sending porn pics over the business system.... bringing in porn material and over use (personal calls) of the phones.... arggggghhhhhhh! but that's not the worst.... boy was told that he was to write the co workers up and place them on 3 months disciplinary probation.... boy has never done this before but as their lead... boy has to... so boy set up meeting with each individual and showed them the proof and asked for an explanation... none was given.... so boy did what he was instructed to do.... not a task that boy wants to have to do again!


The topic for tonight.... discipline and the slave..... so boy guesses that today just goes to prove that boy is the slave not the Master.... having to dish out discipline is a hard thing to do especially with ones co-workers... boy can just imagine hard hard it is for Master to do that with boy... and how Sir must have an even harder time considering that he to is a slave.... which brings up a good point is Sir a switch? will Sir be able to live as a slave and serve as boys superior at the same time without negating one or the other??? hmmm......

Thursday..... one day to go!

  • Sep. 15th, 2005 at 10:39 PM

today we got rain... it was hot and muggy.... remnants of the hurricane... tonight is muggy as well.... got to chat quite a bit with Sir today and tonight... it was great.... asked about rule 1 and my issue with the pinching rings.... Sir said it was ok to keep it off till it was healed.... he also asked boy to tell Master... boy asked why.... so Sir instructed boy that he was the property of Master now.... an idea that boy is not yet used to.... so boy did as requested.... only to find that boy disappointed Master because boy didn't ask permission to wear more than on ring..... boy did talk to Sir about it but only after the fact... boy did mess up... but learned his lesson....

tonights topic: ownership.... this is a topic that boy is so unfamiliar with.... Master Bill never owned boy.... up to now no one has... and it is an awesome feeling knowing that there is someone out there that cares for boy as he cares for his car, his home... not to make light of it ... but with boys complexities.... boy hopes that Sir keeps house well and his car clean.... otherwise boy may drive Master nuts with his idiosyncracies..... boy is rather high maintenance.... boy, Sir and Master will need to work hand in hand to survive this.... but only if Master requires the assistance.... boy will try his hardest to please....

[protected post] beautiful night!

  • Sep. 14th, 2005 at 11:00 PM

what a night! today was muggy but nice.... it was a busy and somewhat frustrating day.... but that's ok... got to chat with Sir.... that makes boys day... then it even got better... boy got to chat with Master.... boy is happy that he feels part of the clan... part of .... the family! something boy has wanted.... and it will only get better as time goes on... wen and boy chatted tonight... boy told wen that he was quiet... wen said no relective... boy said ya.. that's it... wen feels the same.... said it had to do with an alignment of planets and stars..... throws us vigo/libras off kilter.... odd how that happens.... met a guy online... named mike... sounds nice... he's in a relationship.... just looking to chat online.... he and his partner both have nice dicks and balls.... whew.... would like to release tonight.... but won't.... that is for Master or Sir to decide.... boy may just hold off till the october visit.... one month away..... this way boy will be ready for whatever Master and Sir would like of boy..... ;)

Topic for tonight...... slave and the other people..... ok that sounds odd... but what boy is getting at.... is the other folks in the community.... Master Bill has been after boy to do a smak class on slave training... boy told him no.... boy has been given such a hard time since he decided to do this.... why on the west coast?, why with them? does anyone know them? are you ready for this? do you know what you're getting into? boy is tired of validating his position and decisions to these people.... why should he have to? boy has done his homework on Cage Community and the people involved...he knows who they are... he knows that there is nothing illegal going on and that its not for the money..... boy is very comfortable with the people there and the position that he is getting into.... so why can't boy just be left alone to be happy? why does he have to explain himself every step of the way? is it just their ignorance in the process? or jelousy that boy is happy? lots of things to think about.....

[protected post] what a wonderful world!

  • Sep. 13th, 2005 at 11:56 PM

Today was wonderful, it was a very busy day but boy accomplished a lot of work, it made the high volume worth it. Boy enjoys having busy days, it seems to make the day go by faster, and gives boy the energy to complete his work more proficiently. Boy left work on time but took the scenic route home along the river…. It was great…. Boy got home and checked his emails then made dinner…. Then boy took dad shopping to get some needed supplies for the house… then went to his room and prepared for chat…. Tonights chat was very interesting…. Sex and the sub/slave…. Hmmmmmmm

Sound like a lead in to tonights topic….sex! how does boy see it fit in…. boy doesn’t dwell on sex within the M/s relationship…. Boy feels that sex is the easy part of the relationship that the relationship is so much more important… sex is easy…. That in no way is to say that boy wouldn’t welcome a night of wonderful sex…. It has been a long time…. Intimate personal touch is something that boy hasn’t had in many years…. And would welcome the opportunity

[protected post] an end but a beginning.......

  • Sep. 11th, 2005 at 6:50 PM

today marked the end of 12 years of service to Sacred Heart parish as Senior Organist/Director of the music Ministry. It was a hard day to deal with... saying good bye is never easy, but slave will be back to assist, in fact not next weekend but the following. Then slave will play the thanksgiving liturgy for the choir.... but after that they are on their own because slave will be preparing for his Christmas trip. slave will feel the loss, there is no doubt but a greater relief is in store, to not have that added pressure will help slave to stay more focused. slave does realize that this will be a hard transition for the parish and the music ministry but slave is sure that they will prevail.... slave was given a party from both the youth and adult choirs it was real nice... they are a wonderful group of people.... slave spent the reaminder of the day napping until dinner, slave chatted with Master Curtis for a bit then decided that it was time to journal. slave is going to work on his floggers tonight hoping to finish them up. slave would like to bring them to Master Curtis sometime this week for approval and/or suggestions so that they may be perfect for Master and Sirs visit.

Tonights topic.... hmmmm... haven't really thought about it.... slave was sitting at his desk and spotted his spreader bar... and thought Bondage! theres a great topic... there are many types of bondage, rope, leather restraints, shackles, chain, bondage beds, racks... you name it it can be used... what does slave like? slave likes leather and chains the best then rope. slave has never really been in full bondage, Master Bill was never comfortable doing it... but slave has done some to himself and has enjoyed it... slave often wears cuffs attached to his bed for the night, of course slave does use safety snaps in case of cramps or anything else. slave does love the feeling of being at the mercy of his Master or top and knowing that he has no recourse but to yellow or red out.... which slave has yet to do... as slave has mentioned before, slave has yet to reach his pain thresh hold and wishes that one of slaves Master can push him safely to that point..... slave may even ask Master Curtis to work on that with him.....

[protected post] A long day

  • Sep. 10th, 2005 at 9:58 PM

slave was supposed to meet with Master Curtis and wen today for breakfast.... until wen called and said she forgot she had a message at 8:00 this morning, at least today I wasn't all the way in S Portland.... oh well.... had a good day anyway... got a lot of sorting and work done... printed up a bunch of lists for Pam.... she's just gonna love it.... went to the KC bean supper - food was pretty good.... it was fun to see everyone... guess I've been delaying this long enough.... tomorrow is the day.. slaves final day at Sacred Heart.... it's already hard... it's going to be a big loss for them and Slave... the choir has a get together planned for after the 11:00 mass...

Tonights topic: toys... slave doesn't have a lot of toys but is building up quickly, slave isn't into canes but does like the slappers, paddles, floggers and general ass and back type toys... floggers... slave bought one and is making a matched set of leather floggers.... he just needs to do the wrapping and finish work..... slave doesn't feel that a lot of toys is really necessary, just good quality ones....

[protected post] ARGH!

  • Sep. 9th, 2005 at 9:18 PM

slave could not believe what he did… slave just wanted a nice quiet evening at home… he was going to have dinner, clean up, get more relaxed and watch a dvd that he bought (the aviator), then slave was going to journal and go to bed…. well… the best laid plans!... slave had dinner, cleaned up, got relaxed, turned on the video and within 15 minutes… fell asleep… slave didn’t wake up till 6am. guess slave needed some rest! but first slave should back up to wednesday night…. wednesday was slaves last choir rehearsal sort of a happy/sad event…. sunday will be the hardest… slave has enjoyed serving sacred heart church for the past 12 years…. but slave will welcome the rest… thursday was a real busy day at work… slave needed to help out his co lead do a project that could have been done a good week ago had slave been in charge of it…. slaves co- lead is a joke…. But that is ok… slave is willing to help out. friday was a good day work was slow… slave was supposed to meet with Master Curtis and wen to chat tonight but some wires got crossed and it didn’t happen, but wen invited slave to breakfast tomorrow morning… slave needs to chat… and it’s about stuff that can’t be done online.. or over the phone….


Tonights topic: close relationships and the slave: this is a topic that slave has thought about a lot lately…. Especially after reading the contract and manual… slave finds being able to chat with close friends like wen and Master Curtis and family for only an hour is a bit extreme, especially when slave is relocating to the other side the US. slave is leaving his family and friends in one fall sweep… and don’t really understand how he is to be expected to do this…. Guess this needs to be something else that slave addresses with Sir and Master….

Slave feels that he is asking a lot of Master and Sir, but neither Master of Sir really knows slave and just how close slave is to his family and friends…. October will be very interesting.

[protected post] a very long day.......

  • Sep. 7th, 2005 at 10:38 PM

slave drove mom to see her sister today... 2 hours down... 3 hours there and 2 hours back... it's been a long day.... but slave is glad that he could do that for her.... she seems to be in better spirits tonight.. Sir surprised slave today with a phone call, slave missed the call but Sir left a message for slave... as slave expressed to Sir tonight, it meant a lot more than just caring... it gave slave the next step of trust in Master and Sir... Sir proved to slave that they do care deeply for boy and his family... and that they will help out when and where necessary.... that does make it a lot easier for slave to fully submit to Master and Sir. Chatted with wen tonight.. she's worried about slave... because slave is not worrying about himself.... slave is just keeping going to be the strongest he can for mom... she is more important... so wen said that she will worry about slave so that slave can be strong for mom....

tonights topic.... mortality..... a big topic for a lowly slave.... but one that we as humans deal with on a daily basis... we live today but may be called home tomorrow... slave sits back a watches his family.... mom being the matriarch of the family... it used to be that it was the old family members ... but now it's hitting close to home... too close to home... it really forces us to look deep within... have we accomplished what we wanted? do we have time to accomplish what we want? give a lot to think about...

[protected post] ARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Sep. 6th, 2005 at 9:50 PM

today has gone from ok to bad to disaster in less than 8 hours..... boy chatted with Sir last night about sleeping conditions and boys feelings and ended the chat requesting that the contract be changed to reflect that.... Sir agreed to chat with Master about it..... in chatting with Sir today boy found that he was supposted to receive the training manual earlier... and hasn't.... that could be why boy is still a bit apprehensive..... but then tonight boys day fell apart.... mom told boy that his aunt was just admitted to the emergency room... because she was hemmoraging internally.... mom is understandably having a hard time with it right now.... so boy made arraingments to take tomorrow off and drive mom to massachusettes.... dad will be staying home because for the past two days... he's been sick mostly because of nerves, dad starts next week with cortizone shots in the back to ease the pain in his legs... the doctor seems to feel that it will work... tonight i felt a love from Sir that brought me to tears.... boy hasn't felt that feeling for a very long time.... and it is a welcome return... that warm feeling of a sincere caring.... it has been a while since boy has felt that from anyone... and he is glad that it was from Sir...

Tonights topic.... centering... what is it? it's a method of bringing ones thoughts, dreams and being back in focus. Some do it by crouching, some by meditating, some by journaling... boy found that his way is to darken the room... light a few mood candles and put on some very quieting music... and to sit... eyes closed or with mindfold on... and to go over who boy is.... what boy wants and where boy needs to go and what boy needs to do.... it is time consuming... but boy is revived when completed and usually fall asleep.... the following day boy sets as a new day a fresh beginning... and usually it is...

[protected post] a time to relax

  • Sep. 6th, 2005 at 12:57 AM

Today being labor day ended up being a great day to not labor.... boy was able to clean his room from top to bottom and still have time to clean up to go to styxx.... which was a bust.... noone except Sue, Bill & suu, Kallen and myself.... so boy just came home and chatted online with Sir.... boy still has a problem with the cage... but boy just guesses that he has to trust... let's hope that trust is justified.... boy would feel better if it was better clarified in the contract.... Sir is supposed to finallay email boy a copy of the organiztional chart with obectives.... should make for some interesting reading....

tomottow is back to work......

[protected post] a new time for slave

  • Sep. 4th, 2005 at 9:26 PM

What a glorious day, slave has such a different outlook on life.... Master Cage and Alpha slave Chris are slaves life... slave knows that this is the right path for slave.... it's where he belongs... life is good! and it is through Masters and Sirs strength and caring that slave will enjoy it... yesterdays festivities gave slave a wonderful new outlook... it could be the realization that boy found the difference in play that he had been missing... you see... when slave was with Master Bill, when Bill would play with slave, slave would end up in subspace... usually in tears... slave had troubles processing the pain because of the stress that slave was under... but since slave has been away, when slave has played, he has enjoyed subspace for what it is and what it is supposed to be... and had not fallen apart... why? no stress... yes there is a lot going on in slaves life... but it is right.... it is good and boy isn't under the stress of the relationship that was there during my time of service....

tonights topic.... what about separation.... slave is leaving a life of security and comfort for an big unknown... slave has been at home with mom and dad for all but 2 years of his life... is there some trepidation... yes.. of course... and there should be... slave has a lot to think about. are mom and dad going to be ok? will someone be there for them if they get to a point that they need help? Will Anne & Steve follow throught on their promise? they haven't in the past... why would this be different.... slave has always been there for them and has been close enough to get here in just a couple of hours. will there be a time of relocation.. a time of adjustment? slave would assume so... but slave is unsure of that, slave just hopes that Master and Sir are there if and when slave needs the support from family separation....

[protected post] WOW!!!

  • Sep. 4th, 2005 at 12:28 AM

two nights of unbelievable bliss .... what has slave done to deserve such pleasure.... last night (friday) slave attended movie night with wen and Curtis.. this has become such a great thing for slave... he has needed to get out and just relax with friends and this has given him the chance to do so.... the movie (Wedding crashers) was hilarious, wen a, curtis and slave laughed so hard..... it's a great relaxing type of movie... at the movie we met up with stoney.... a good straight, cross dressing friend.... after the movie we went to the icecream shop across the street.. yummy... we ate our icecream in the park across the street and chatted... till 11:45!!! wen Curtis and slave then went to bleackstones for a martini... slave had a chocolate martini... it was yummy and so was william.... if Sir would like to see william... www.blackstones.com, Sir may go to the gallery section then to Colt night.... sir will see slave with william.... yum! would love to lick him All over..... got home at 1:30.......

tonight was big bill and suus labor day party.... slave was hoping to play tonight and slave did! Master Curtis sarted be whipping slave outside.... that was nice and Master Curtis did an awesome job.... and then again later Master curtis flogged slave... that was even better..... Master Curtis had to quit though (slave wore him out)..... the party was fum... lots of nice people.... but then Slave got up the nerve... slave asked CL to flog him before he leaves... CL spend about 25 minutes launching slave into a deep subspace.... happy land.... CL is awesome.... slave was in heaven.... slave left at 11:50 and got home with enought time to journal....

slave is pleased that he got to play so much tonight, slave was ready for it!

[protected post] woo hoo!!!!

  • Sep. 1st, 2005 at 10:38 PM

IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY! slave is so glad this week is over.... it started off rough but has ended just fine.... boy feels more like himself... slave chatted with Sir concerning the problems with eagle... slave is very sad that eagle has acted this way towards Master and Sir.... if he only knew what he was giving up.... slave has been there.... with no one to serve... it is so empty... so hollow... so hard. slave is kind of sad that Sir hasn't been online as much as he used to slave would love to chat with Sir.... slave hopes that Sir doesn't do this .... slave may need to discuss this with Master.... we'll see what happens....


Tonights topic.... slave types...........slave has noticed that there are many types of slaves, Gor, service minded, sex slaves... there are the totally submissive the partially submissive and the part timers..... but the deeper slave looks, the more he realizes that being a slave is a personal thing for everyone.... personally, slave feels that he will be whatever his Masters wish... they want a houseboy... they want a sex slave, they want a total submissive.... so be it... as long as Master is pleased.... that is what is important... that does not mean that slave won't have aspirations that he will discuss with Master and Sir... but it will be up to them if boy is to reach for it and attain it.... boy hopes that Master and Sir are the type that allows their slaves to grow and to use thier minds for the betterment of the community.

2005 November - December

the day after

  • Dec. 26th, 2005 at 6:40 PM

well... christmas has come and gone in a whirlwind of activity.... thursday night tigger left work and headed home... on route tig called his sister and found her already at the house.... we had a quick hello then out to dinner. mom , dad and aunty went right home ... anne, steve, aline, ben and tig went shopping... it was a wonderful break from aunty! it ended up a late night... friday went by with out incident.... hmmm odd! Saturday was started fairly quiet... then the stress from mom set in and all living hell started to break loose... aline was being a little b#$&*, ben had his head up his butt and aunty was just in the way. mom and dad went to church... and anne, steve and tig were able to get a lot of work done... because stella was coming over for dinner and to open the gifts... we had a beautiful table set and a real nice looking dining room set for opening gifts... everything was going well till aunty passed out her gifts... we all knew it was money... mom then dad, aline then tig... nothing for Anne & Steve... ???? what was up with that... anne ended up in tears... mom & dad and tig pissed off and all the christmas spirit sucked out of the evening! not sure what mom and dad are planning on doing.... sunday was just as stressful... wasn't planning on going to church... haven't been for almost 2 months... having some religion issues (will chat about that later)... but went ... got nothing out of it.... got home and again set a beautiful table... for 10... candles the whole thing! then tig crashed... slept for a good 4 hous or so... it was great! monday rolls around... anne, steve and the kids are going to steve's parents till wednesday... wish tig could go too... not looking forward to a couple of days here... hopefully it will change by year end!

this is sounding like a record

  • Dec. 19th, 2005 at 9:16 PM

tig is so tired of moms procrastination that the whole cristmas spirit is gone.... its now let's just get this over with!!! 3 days left of work.... tig guesses that deb, joe and the dogs will be up on thursday.... which means the house gets cleaned tuesday and wednesday..... tig is getting tired of the community here in maine also.... and he has decided to just back out! enough is enough! tig was planning a party in january... but right now is ready to say the hell with it all! stress level is almost at it's peak.... tig will break soon.... tig hopes that Sir will be available to help pick up the pieces.....

[protected post] again!

  • Dec. 18th, 2005 at 8:47 PM

tig sits here again exhausted... after a full day of work... will he ever get to rest? doesn't look it! tigs issue is the shear level of stress that is here... mom is in her procrastination phase! dad is trying to help but tends to over due it and aunty is being a pain in the ass! which leaves tig to cover all the bases... will he make it? don't know ... time will tell....

[protected post] tonight

  • Dec. 17th, 2005 at 7:11 PM

tig sits here typing totally exhusted.... tig did all the candy today... peanut butter balls, fudge, needhams.... he was supposed to go to the sauna but curtis cancelled out... so tig drove to portland to deliver his gift.... tig is really getting tired of the antics that are going on.... he is just going to back off from everyone and everything.... tig was planning on doing a january new years party on the 14th but screw that.... tig is tired of always giving and hardly every getting back! ok so tig does things for the joy but for plans to be broken hurts... tig is just tired! tomorrow is the tree, monday we do some cleaning then tuesday, wednesday is family chat... if anyone shows up.... then thursday anne & steve, aline and ben show up.... friday is bedlem along with saturday and sunday.... tig will be so much happier when March gets here!

[protected post] and so it begins.....

  • Dec. 13th, 2005 at 9:58 PM

tonight was the first day.... peanutbutter balls galore.... mom attitude sucks already snapping at everyone around..... if this is what tigger is looking at for the rest of the month tigger is going to move to the super 8 and just call it quits!!! it is looking out to be a very stressful holiday season... tigger hates when it gets this way ... there is no way to enjoy anything.... tigger knows that aunty being here is only going to make it worst... but there is nothing that tig can do so he will just make the best of whatever happens..... tigger has missed chatting with pup.... we seem so distant... I feel kind of separated from him.... it's hard.. tig just doesn't feel as comfortable chatting with Master Behr .... Master Cage and tig are doing better at chatting but there are still things that tig feels are better handled by pup.... maybe tig is wrong... right now tig doesn't know a lot....

[protected post] a hard pill to swallow....

  • Dec. 12th, 2005 at 8:46 PM

tigger has done a lot of thinking about last night chat session... a has to agree with his journal of last night... tig needs to back off and stop allowing the confrontations on serving as a slave online until such time as tig can move... this won't be easy... the people that constantly confront tigger are good friends... tig doesn't want to alienate or push away these friends but if the topic is approached... tig will back away or change the topic, he has no other choice right now... fighting or arguing is not an option... tig is at the end of the discussion.... what is right for me is what will happen!!! tig loves his Masters and pup.... and that is what matters.... if that love wasn't there tigger wouldn't be as adamant about staying on the path chosen... tigger is happy and if people have trouble with that then that is their problem... not mine! after tiggs little trip to the sauna on saturday... and all the georgeous men.... don't know what was going on but WOW! were they beautiful... those pecks,the 6 packs, the arms, the legs, the dicks and balls!!!!! tig spent a good chunk of time with a hard on.... it's been a while since last release but that is ok... tig will wait for Masters invite to release... well.. back to work on tigs tasks....

[protected post] live and let live

  • Dec. 11th, 2005 at 7:54 PM

tigger realizes that he has not been as active writing as he usually is and is sorry for this... but there is much goin on in tigs life right now that even thinking about causes hurt in ways that tig hasn't felt in a very long time... in tigs yahoo360 blog tig asked why good things have to hurt and why good feelings seem to come at a price... tig would like to look at that tonight because he came home from the submissive/slave chat feeling the same way... why is it that something that fullfills tigger is so willing to be put down by others? why does tigger always feel that he has to defend his choices? is tigger wrong in having theses feeling or is it a test to see if tig will hold to his true path? if people only knew how much it hurts to feel that what tigger has chosen as a path in life isn't accepted.... tonight tig felt that some were speaking from both sides of thier mouth... in one sentence it was stated that in BDSM we should live and let live... but then in the other... that online training really isn't good.... why can't the first be the true? why can't people just live and let live.. why must people judge others because of thier choises? could it be their short commings? thier fears? guess these questions won't get answered tonight or any time soon... nor will it stop.. tigger will just have to distance himself from those that insist on doing this and live to his fullest potential as Master Cage's slave....

[protected post] NYC

  • Dec. 8th, 2005 at 8:22 PM

What a weekend! Had Friday off… got to sleep in till 9:30, it felt so good to do that… was getting a bit tired… a lot of late nights. Chatted with wen and was told to be at the boat by 3:00… but was welcome to go early in case things got done faster… then we could leave early…. Well once things were done we left at 5:15ish… tigger was able to have a real good chat with Master Curtis, it was nice, don’t get to do that often enough. The trip down was uneventful… had a great meal at cracker barrel … such a cool place! Got in to NYC a little after midnight, met Mark and Eric and had a fun chat. Mark is a hoot when he’s had a few too many… Erik – more on the reserved side… but very nice! Went to bed around 1:30… didn’t get to sleep till 2:30-3:00am…. Woke up at 7:30… cleaned up the bedding and read till others got up…. Mark & Eric sounded like they had a great time in the AM…. Didn’t say anything about hearing them… tigger does miss that level if intimacy … personal time like that would be very welcome and a bit needed!… even though tigs been outwardly labeled as A-sexual… he does have feeling and desires… just not real strong ones….
Saturday was the big day…. Curtis and tig went for a walk first thing… down to pick up some fresh bagels – fresh and hot.. got to watch them being made… yummy! We went back to the apartment and had breakfast it was fun! Chatted and decided who was doing what.. tigger wasn’t to happy that wen couldn’t go with Master Curtis and tig for a day on the town… would have loved to spend more time together… but wen had to do the mommy thing so she did a show and shopping with the girls.. Master and tig did the NYC thing, Mark went with wen ???? Eric did his own thing.. until his interview at 2:10… Master and tig had a good time roaming through NYC… what a place! The people, the skyscrapers and the billboards! Wow! Then to ground Zero then to the battlement … got some good pics of lady liberty! then headed back to the apartment for some lunch and a nap before the night but headed to Central Park first with Master Curtis….…
Saturday night!!! What a night! Got all gussied up, had some pics taken and headed out to Paddles! What an awesome place…Master was in his element, started with wen… really put her through her paces… it was beautiful to watch and to hold Masters toys for him to use – Master seemed to enjoy having both slaves there at his disposal. After close to 15 – 20 minutes he brought wen down a bit and enjoyed her being tied up…. What a beautiful sight! We undid the restraints and got her dressed… then he told tig to undress and prepare… tig did and was treated to a wonderful scene Master was extremely proficient this night… especially with the flogging! It had been a long time since tig was brought that far… actually wen was the last one to do that… Master even graced tig with some nice markings…  what a wonderful gift from Master Curtis…. tigger hopes that he honored Master with his accepting the scene he gave so wonderfully! …. We chatted a bit upstairs and then headed back… wen was hoping to get some Krispy Kreams but the place moved so we enjoyed breakfast at a small diner… then home to bed… but couldn’t get to sleep so tig got all his stuff packed…
Got up around 9ish on Sunday and enjoyed a quiet cup of coffee got dressed and picked up around the apartment… did the bagel thing again for breakfast then watched tv… we attended a Mast meeting… wasn’t sure what to expect but felt very at home, very comfortable…. We greeted a few people then went to sit, Master sat in a nice leather rolling chair with wen kneeling to his left and tigger to his right… what a nice feeling that was… it was the first time that tig had ever done that in a public setting, only other time was with Bill and it just wasn’t the same… As we sat, tig watched a young man by the name of slave rick, his Master, Master Tip was there with pledge kevin… Please don’t misunderstand… tig loves wen and Master Curtis… they have been there for tig the whole way as supporters mentors, and friends… but the fact that they are married is still there…. With Master Tip, slave rick and pledge kevin that kind of relationship doesn’t exist…. It is a pure M/s relationship… the kind that tig wants and will have one day… it got to a point that it hurt to see them and to watch the interactions a know that tig can’t have that until he moves out west to serve Master Cage. wen asked tig what was up, so tig explained that watching slave rick was hard and why that was. Wen asked tig what was stopping him from going… and after thinking about it tig couldn’t answer… there was no reason…. Mom seems to be in no rush to sell and dad is… well… dad… what more can tig say? tigger needs to do this… for tigger! After Mast we headed back to the apartment to pick up the luggage and say the goodbyes…. And back on the road at about 5:30ish….
It was a long trip back… did a lot of thinking on the way… could tigger leave earlier? Would it work? Would Master and pup allow it? What about finances? Took a little nap then we stopped for dinner.. we stopped at this great little diner just past Danbury CT.. big food … little prices…. Got home around 2:00am. Then to bed and off to work the following morning…. It was a long day on Monday… was totally exhausted, left an hour early, went home fell alseep and slept all night. Got up Tuesday and went to work… was feeling a bit sick but thought that it was the fact that he was still exhausted….tig and mom had a falling out tonight… over the possibility of tig heading out early… of course mom did the guilt thing… it didn’t work! Tig is going to let things go and see what happens after the new year….. and even though tig didn’t feel good he stayed through the sub chat for wen… it was interesting… Wednesday went by… again tig was feeling yucky… his throat now hurt and the caughing began… tig got home and took some nyquil and went to bed…. And slept! Right through the community chat! tig felt real bad at that happening so he appologized to pup and Master for allowing that to happen… it is so unlike tig to miss a scheduled meeting but it happened. Thursday was the worst! tig felt like crap… caughed all day went home early again to get some sleep…. Chatted a bit with Master and Master Behr… but didn’t hear from pup… tig still has a lot to think about but isn’t going to let it get him down… Masters needs will always come first!

[protected post] A big day

  • Dec. 1st, 2005 at 8:16 PM

today was big.... mom & dad's 53rd wedding anniversary.... 49 days till tig gives his notice at the bank.... and its tigs FRIDAY!!! tomorrow at 3:00pm its off to NYC... tig is excited not only for the trip but for the getaway.... and paddles..... oh my....

[protected post] ARGH!

  • Nov. 29th, 2005 at 11:10 PM

What a crappy day that ended on a high note…. The day started out ok.. got up early got to work… everything was going ok…. Until pup text messaged tig… with they can’t do the conference… ARGH!!! (tig got the money back!) So let’s recap…. Aunt is here for 6 weeks STRIKE ONE…. Christmas trip cancelled STRIKE TWO… and now this STRIKE THREE – tigger came close to being OUT! but heald it together…. Then the network went down! 3 ½ hours … ARGH! Tomorrow ought to be a joy!  then got home! Whew…. But was still dealing with the conference thing…. Read through tigs emails…. Hmmm one from wen… CURTIS IS IN THE HOSPITAL!!! OMG! All tig could think was great …. The NYC trip is cancelled! Whew… wen said no…. so back to the email…. Kris sent a letter about Saturday…. Said tig hit his truck! NOT! What is going on today???? But then tigger chatted with Master… Master was able to quiet tiggers angry soul…. And had tigger back on an even keel…. But then tig got to thinking about things… instead of doing the conference…. What about if tig goes to Camino for the weekend? So tig asked Master and Master agreed… so tig got to work and found the flights needed….. and so it is…. Tigger once again has something to look forward to in January!

[protected post] crap!

  • Nov. 29th, 2005 at 12:19 AM

Guess today is a day for everything to fall apart…. Sir informed tigger that they can’t afford to go to SWLF … their being there was the only way tigger could go… tigger can do the registration and the airfare… but not the room …. Oh well… why not… everything else has fallen apart… all tig needs now is for wen to back out…. That would just screw everything right to hell! Pup says don’t be depressed… easy for him to say…. He’s been to functions before… this was to be tigs first… crap! What else could go wrong?

[protected post] a little catch up

  • Nov. 28th, 2005 at 12:19 AM

OK… so tigger hasn’t written in his journal for a fer days now… with thanksgiving and aunty’s issue still going on it’s been really busy and a bit overwhelming… thanksgiving was fun, Master Curtis, wen, drew and Joe came over… it was fun to share a special day with special friends… next year will be even better when tigger can cook for his Master and spend the day giving thanks for his new family. Friday was a nice day at work… we played bingo… it was great… did get done some work…. But then tigger went home … to find mom upset again…. what about? Wednesday, while preping the pies and turkey mom asked if tig was upset… tigger expalined not mad… hurt…. She doesn’t realize what this christmas means to tigger…. But a decision was not to be reached Wednesday, Thursday or Friday… to say the least by now tigger has had it! Saturday was a good day… got quite a bit accomplished…. And received the ok to attend a party at dee’s. So it’s Saturday night… and off to the party… wen and Master Curtis told tigger that he was going to experience needle play…. tigger was scared! But told Master Curtis and wen that he would submit for Master Cages pleasure…. And so he did.. tiggers scrotum was butterflied…. 5 needles… tiggers not quite sure about it… tigger would like to try it again but on the arm or chest… not the genitals….. Sunday has been good day… started decorating for Christmas… tigger has found out that the christmas trip to DC has been canceled so Anne & Steve are coming up…. oh well!

[protected post] a need to center

  • Nov. 21st, 2005 at 9:29 PM

tonight is one of those nights.... mom dropped a bomb.... tigger guesses that his aunt is more important to mom than her own family. if she could only understand... tigger guesses that he won't see anne & steve for christmas... tiggers plan of being able to see his whole family one last time together won't happen.... it hurts a lot... tigger really wanted that to happen... but mom decided differently.... so tigger is going to keep this short and return to centering... finding that special place that tigger needs right now...

[protected post] Where will tigger be in 5 years?

  • Nov. 20th, 2005 at 9:24 PM

That seems so far away… but tigger can see himself still in training. By then tigger will be a beta slave to Master Cage and may even have a partner… that is a long time dream… to be in 24/7 service and have a partner…. tigger will hopefully be trained with the whip and able to train others. it is really awkward to be preplanning that far in advance considering that tigger hasn’t even moved there yet… but it does force tigger to think ahead… what will Master be requiring of me then? Will he push tigger to try topping? Will tigger be ready for that possibility? What position will tigger hold in the community? Will tigger still be with the community? OMG! tigger is moving to a place that he doesn’t know about, to a new job, to a new life… what if it doesn’t work? What if things fall aprat like with bill and suu? tigger won’t have the community backing that he did then… what would tigger do?

[protected post] Where will tigger be in a year?

  • Nov. 19th, 2005 at 10:08 PM

This is hard for tigger because its almost like trying to do a future timeline… tigger can do a where would he like to be though so that is what he will do…. One year from now… tigger hopes to be living in the comfort of Masters home, proudly serving 24/7. tigger will be working by then so support of the community will be almost off of pups shoulders…. Master also will be working, tigger will be settling in to a lifechange that will have been the best thing possible for him. Pup will be training tigger in the emotional state of relationships, behr will be training in service… Master will over see the whole thing…. tigger will have signed his permanent contract and hopefully be a beta slave by now…. Hopefully hound or scruffy will be making decisions to relocate also… the total will hopefully be 1 HeadMaster, at least one other Master besides Master Behr, slaves: puppy, tigger, hound, scruffy, the two new guys and maybe a few others…. tigger doesn’t feel he will train to be a Master but would love to assist with the training of the new slaves and the running of the community….. hmmmm sounds a bit lofty? Ya.. but that is how tigger works…

tigger wishes that he could answer this… easily… but no… all tigger knows of Master’s expectations is that they are of the highest level, but what they are he doesn’t know but wishes to learn… tigger has been reading about the aligning of wills, slave to Master. it is a facinating thing and one that tigger will work hard to achieve because in that state the slave submits fully to the will of his Master and allows himself to be total consumed by that will. So tigger feels that someday he may meet the highest expectations of Master Cage…. And because of the fact that once wills are aligned the slave and Master will grow together… forever pushing the envelope of trust and expectations…. Tigger will surpass Masters expectations only to be given new expectations… and so the journey continues…..

[protected post] Is tigger ready for what lies ahead?

  • Nov. 15th, 2005 at 10:32 PM

Wow… that a hard question, tigger means… is anyone ever read for anything that happens in the future? It would be better to ask if tigger is ready for what he hopes is in his future? The answer to that is yes… what does tigger believe lies in his future? Hopefully a peaceful home that he may serve out his time on this earth… ok… so maybe not that long… but tigger would like to just find a place that he is the slave that he longs to be… that by serving his Masters he may come to once again know the joy of servitude. One that tigger will be loved, nurtured and used as the property that he is… by Master, pup or behr…. tigger understands what he is saying and understands the ramifications of his actions… alignment of wills… tiggers and Masters… two minds… one will/heart that is the ultimate goal of tigger. To be one with Master… to know his every move before he does… and to offer him the ability to do that same with tigger. But what happens when there are two Masters and an Alpha slave? Can tigger still accomplish that with each of them…. Or just with Master alone? tigger just figures that he will journey onward and what the fates bring…. They bring!

[protected post] re: not in the mood

  • Nov. 14th, 2005 at 10:56 PM

tigger is down tonight so he's going to skip journaling.... maybe a good nights sleep will help..

[protected post] What makes tigger the best he can be?

  • Nov. 13th, 2005 at 10:47 PM

tigger offers so many functions for Masters use, tigger is a great cook, a baker, musician, computer person, house cleaner, schedule keeper, planner, host, cateerer, graphic artist, yard keeper, gardner, finance manager… but much deeper, friend, confidant, slave. Yes, tigger added slave to the list because he also has that to offer for Masters use… but one thing that tigger now keeps in mind is that everything… every part…. every nuance of tigger is Masters and will be treated as such… tigger is owned by Master. This has been the last big step in tiggers emotional development.. to realize that he is the physical property of someone else… tiggers attitude has changed immensly, his outlook is that of working towards tiggers alignement of wills with Master Cage… for tigger to do this will require studying Master and his needs, submitting fully to him and to obey his wishes weather tigger agrees or not… working towards this with pup and behr will be more difficult for tigger. Why? tigger is becoming pulled already between Master, pup & behr. tigger loves them all but because pup has been the main connection point for tigger to the community and early chats that led tigger to belive that pup would be Master to tigger have led to a pull now and an unsureness of pups position in reguards to tigger. Some day soon tigger will chat with pup or Master about this….

[protected post] tiggers lows

  • Nov. 12th, 2005 at 9:21 PM

tigger’s lows
hmmm…. tigger has a lot of low spots on his life and in his make up… but this isn’t about his past… this is about his being… what does tigger consider a low? Things that tigger needs to watch and monitor about himself. There are so many … tigger will start with the biggie… temper, tigger has over the years learned to suppress his temper, how bad you ask? pulling a carving knife on a babysitter…. Driving a door handle through a door… punching and driving his fist through a wall.. plaster board, plaster and slats, broke a lot of glass, dishes… you name it… tigger’s broken it… but now laughter suppresses the anger… when tigger is faced with things that anger him… tigger backs off, leaves, gets out of the situation. But is that all well and good… no… why? It allows tigger to suppress the pain, the hurt and in turn that eats at tigger… so although it works… it does need to be monitored at all times. Next is tiggers socialness… tiggers a talker… tigger does get in trouble by talking to much… tigger has to busy himself to keep himself from chatting and being the “social butterfly” of the gathering..

[protected post] what drives tigger?

  • Nov. 10th, 2005 at 10:47 PM

What drives tigger?
This is one of those questions that tigger knew from day one of his service to Bill & suu… it was so obvious… tigger is driven to better serve by the the responses both verbal and non verbal that he receives after completing given and non given tasks.. tigger watches his Master for suttle signs that Master is pleased… when tigger sees this he is driven, renewed, given new life to do even more to please… that little smile of Bills and the big hug that tigger received…. That’s all it takes…. tigger is so easily pleased… but likewise is so easily hurt and tortured by tiggers doing something wrong… tigger is a great one for beating himself up for misdeeds, especially if tigger knows that what he does is wrong…. Usually punishment isn’t required because tigger has whipped himself raw already…. But then again tigger has never really been “punished” - spanked – anything… that is why tigger requested engaging Master Curtis… but if tigger does mess up again…. he would request a true punishment…. Harsh… a teaching tool for tigger. One that tigger will not soon forget… that is the one big thing that was missing with bill & suu… no consequenses…. Tigger could do anything and it was ok…. It could be from the fact that tigger didn’t have a contract… no rules…. Tigger requires rules, boundries…

more reality bites......

  • Nov. 9th, 2005 at 9:56 PM

Today was a bit better, tigger has over the past few day been doing a lot of housecleaning.. mom’s house… no… tiggers mental house… tigger has been looking for answers, answers to questions like; is tigger worthy of such a position? Why would Master want tigger? What drives tigger? What should tigger work on? what are tiggers low points? What makes tigger the best he can be? Is tigger ready for what lies ahead? What does lay ahead? Will tigger at least meet with Master expectations? Can he surpass them? Where does tigger want to be in a year? Two? Five? Ten? Will tigger still be omega after tens years? What does the future hold for tigger? And these are just a few… what tigger would like to do is start at the top and answer each one….

Is tigger worthy of such a position?
What position you ask? slave! “Worthy”, let’s look at the word… to be worthy, is to possess/claim some worth… so is tigger worthy? Yes! tigger will bring a measure of “worth” to Master. tigger brings with him a lot of knowledge and upbringing that will help Master in opening up an inviting in the community at large. tigger brings financial know how that most outside the banking realm don’t understand… he brings music, laughter, and peace to community…. tigger offers so much including himself to Master and the community. In the long run, tigger does hope that his can be worthy of a slave position… whichever one that may be…

[protected post] two busy days in a slaves life......

  • Nov. 8th, 2005 at 10:33 PM

wow.... yesterday and today have been exhausting.... with a busy day at work yesterday and finding out that wen in now owned... and mom getting her stitches out... phew! then today with work again then the voting then the submissive chat.... tigger had a hard time with the chat tonight... it seems that people just can't understand that there is no cookie cutter training program for slaves.... they feel everyone requires the physical aspect... the sex.... the touching... why is it so hard for people to understand that not everyone has a high sex drive and some people don't have a need to cum on a schedule?..... tigger is that type.... as wen has said... maybe tigger has subjegated his sex drive to service.... well... maybe he has... is that wrong? should tigger go screw anything with a hole? is that the point? ARGH! NO!!! that is not who tigger is.... tigger is a person of honor and would never degrade himself for self satisfaction or to just satisfy the Maine communities nievite... tigger is a sexual being but only for Masters pleasure... tigger is the property of Master and he and he alone will dictate tiggers sexual needs....Masters needs and desires are all that matters to tigger.... his pleasure alone pleases tigger and drives the tigger that Master will mold and develope..... then whay is tigger having such a hard time today?

[protected post] what to do.....

  • Nov. 6th, 2005 at 11:38 PM

tigger was a perfect slave in honor of Master tonight.... why? how? you ask... tigger was to go to a flogger class for SMAK at big Bills... but wasn't really interested, so tigger assisted everyone else then assisted wen in serving the party. tigger followed the protocol and found that they were things that tigger already did... but now needs to be more aware that he does follow the protocols... tigger is going to chat with Master this week about the possibility of Sir meeting tigger in Arizona for the slave/Master training.... tigger would really like to go.... but will have to see what happens with anne....

[protected post] zzzzzzzzz..................

  • Nov. 5th, 2005 at 10:12 PM

tigger is so sleepy! just returned from thRichmond Sauna, will need to bring Master, pup and behr there on the next vist.... even if its just to see the naked men.... there were many nice sights to see... lots of low hangers and big girth cocks to see... when in the hot tub... on just caressed tiggers arm... yumm.... wen and Master Curtis enjoyed their stay there also... we had some good chat time.... mom and dad agreed that tigger could host a monthy play party at the house... tigger almost dropped!!! but mom came through... so now wen and tigger need to work on some dates.... tomorrow we make floggers.... lol... ya right! tigger and wen will be working on turkshead knots.... boy has gone two weeks now without removing his collar.... what a please for tiiger to honor Master by always wearing it....

[protected post] worthy???

  • Nov. 4th, 2005 at 8:45 PM

tigger chatted with scruffy and hound today... we chatted about a lot of stuff... hound sent a pic of himself... he's a cutie! tigger will like serving with hound, we've connected on a deeper level... scruffy and tigger have connected as friends but not as soul mates.... maybe in time.... puppy seemed lonely today tigger missed chatting during the day... hopefully pup will be able to find what is wrong with his phone.... tigger hasn't see behr or Master on line so far.... on to tonights topic.... tigger had time to reflect today on the ongoing question of worthiness... is tigger worthy enough to serve such a wonderful Master? is he there? can tigger meet with Masters idea of a slave? what about pup? will tigger be able to separate his feeling and his service? it's so hard.. but tigger believes that pup will keep that "profession" distance and stop tigger in his path if his feeling go over the edge... currently reading becoming a slave... will have a lot to chat about....

[protected post] a general meeting

  • Nov. 3rd, 2005 at 12:11 AM

tigger was a bit scared when he signed on tonight... Master was online so, tigger popped in with Good evening Master... as he usually does... master snapped back at boy ... "is that a way to greet a Master?" tigger was caught off guard, that is how he always has done.... tigger explained that he didn't know of any other way.... so Master explained that he had forgot that boy hadn't started protocol... so boy asked if Master would teach boy....tonight was awesome... we (the community) met online for a chat! everyone!... that was kool.... got to meet hound, first impression: quiet, reserved, seems to be alot like tigger, thinks lust like him, polite; scruffy was there... 1st impressions... wildcard.... seems to have the drive but lacks in manners and hierarchy... behr was there.... in a fun moode... but got in trouble a couple of times.... he was in to pushing buttons.... pup was there as tigger hoped he would be... but spent a good amount of time in the cage.... not really sure what he did to get that but the chat was awesome.... can't wait till next week....

[protected post] another awesome day

  • Nov. 1st, 2005 at 11:18 PM

155-935-131 now a very important number in tiggers life... what is it you ask? this is tiggers slave ownership number ... thats right tigger is owned and registered. what an awesome, comforting feeling to say that.... tigger had a nice chat last night with Master Curtis and wen concerning life energies , shakras and the like.... it has given tigger a lot to think about.... wen had tigger actually feel his and her life energy... what a powerful, strange feeling but it brought up a lot of questions that tigger would like to chat with wen and behr about at some point.... wen said that she will do tiggers reading the next time we are together.... boy has always wanted to have this done... but has never ventured out to actually do it.... wicca, reiki, healing touch... are all such awsome, deep, and intreaguing topics... tigger will be doing a lot of reading on these....

2006 January

[protected post] almost the weekend!!!

  • Jan. 25th, 2006 at 5:59 PM

another snowy day! bet it isn’t snowing in CA!!! just 1½ months to go.... it seems so far away. chat last night was fun... stoney adds so much to the discussion... we wandered off topic a few times but for the most part it stayed on track... a lot was spent on wens ordeal at swlf and Bill ... Thursdays dinner should be interesting... from the sounds of it wen has decided to end the Houston thing... at dinner tig will inquire what Master Curtis would like tig to wear for the flee won’t be buying anything but will collect all business cards and pamphlets then put them together in a data base for Master’s use... Issues!... suu is starting to push again... guess they finally figured out that they’ve been wrong in things that they have publicly said and are now in defensive mode... tig doesn’t really know and doesn’t really care at this point in time... tig has better things to do.... ;) tonight is community chat time... will be very surprised if brother scuffy is there... he wasn’t feeling well yesterday, he thinks he might be getting a cold or flu... tig hopes that Master will have some new projects, duties and/or tasks for tig to do, so that tig won’t get board..... tig is currently reading book one of the Market place... called The Marketplace... even though it’s fiction... there is so much that is real... the Market place is a home where slaves are brought, trained and either returned to their Masters or sold to new Masters.... which makes tig think about the “training” that pup was sent to... is it on the same idea? will tig be sent some day for further “training”? what is it like being sent out? how does one deal with being submissive to another that is not your Master? there is so much that tig needs to learn.... but then comes the questions like... will Master Cage ever sell tig to someone else? what a thing to think about... actually being sold... or even given to another.... why would this be done? Displeasure? Wow ... what a frightening thought! hopefully that will never happen to tig ... tig feels that it would be devastating to be informed that he was being sold for whatever reason.... ok enough of that... tig isn’t even there yet! whew! work... it’s getting really hard to care about all the crap that is going on around the workplace... the politics is really getting out of hand! tig has just started with the “ya.... so...” attitude... it might not be the nicest or the best but it works... and will work for the next month.... mom & dad.... well... after chatting with Anne for a bit tig has decided to just let mom & dad go.... they won’t be moving soon that is for sure... not with mom procrastinating so much.... next week tig will begin sorting the last bunch of stuff in the basement.... shouldn’t take too long! then will start sorting music... what goes to storage and what stays out.... that will take some time! well... need to close and get ready to leave work for the day...

[protected post] a return to the mundane

  • Jan. 24th, 2006 at 5:54 PM

tig went back to work today... nothing new or changed, same old stuff. lots of question about if tig changed his mind about going... said NOPE! in fact just the opposite! tig realized yesterday just how much he “fit” and how comfortable he was there in CA... it’s amazing how when things go right... you can feel it... even leaving Maine has come to feel right. Mom was showing a lot more emotion yesterday especially if CA came up in conversation... tig feels that mom is in a way hurt by how happy tig is in CA... but that is something that mom will need to work through... besides it’s not that tig is unhappy here... just unfulfilled, and it’s not because of her or dad... it’s because of tig... a need that tig has... she still also has a major hang-up about the leather collar... she can deal with the chain... but not the leather... maybe because it is more visible??? tig chatted with Master about when it is acceptable to wear the leather collar, and now understands that it is specifically for Master/slave functions such as Mast and things like that... not for SMAK and ALUR functions. wen should have come home yesterday, it will be interesting to see how things went with Houston Bill... tig might set up time for a massage to see what happened and to chat about how tigs weekend went... then again tig may just catch up with her tonight at the chat.... community chat on Wednesday should be interesting! tig had just a few minutes to chat with scruffy yesterday but all in all it went well... scruffy still seems to be jealous that tig is here and was able to visit this last weekend... he really is hard to understand, tig doesn’t understand why, if scruffy has part time jobs that allow him the time to take 3 months off, he doesn’t apply for a visa and move here permanently... or is it that scruffy doesn’t have the drive to really be a 24/7 slave to Master? could it be that scruffy is content with the “play” aspect just as Bill and suu are? submissive only when online? what is it that drives him? can there really be so much that separates where tigs head is compared to scruffy? or is tig looking for the silver lining.... or through rose colored glasses? hmm... don’t think so.... tig knows what he is looking for.... and knows that it is going to be a long hard road, there will be highs and lows.... but tig knows what he is looking for, what feelings he needs to be whole and fulfilled... it would be really good if scruffy could journal... allow others to see inside the boy... what makes him tick! It would help him find himself in this journey… but unfortunately it doesn’t seem that it will happen. it’s interesting how things work out! tig hopes that as the time comes closer to the move that pup and Behr can help tig with the routine of the house... tig took a lot of time to memorize the daily routine... only to find that is isn’t really followed.... that things are in fact a bit relaxed, it will be interesting to see if it stays that way or if Master will tighten the reigns with Behr and pup and follow the schedules given... which leads back to the chat that pup and tig had at the house on Saturday ... tig had mentioned earlier that he was looking for a controlling Master, one that would take the control that tig had from him.... well, that too has changed a bit... in the many chats that tig has had with wen concerning Houston Bill; tig has found that he is not ready for that level... not meaning that tig couldn’t do it... but that tig really wasn’t ready for that level... a slower entry into the slave lifestyle seems to be the path most suited for tig... and Master fits that perfectly... He has taken control and does so daily but allows for errors and learning with appropriate correction and discipline. That is what tig needs... that is what fulfills tig at this point in the journey.

[protected post] a review of the trip

  • Jan. 23rd, 2006 at 10:31 PM

It is so hard to believe that tigs trip to visit Master, pup and Behr has come and gone. Where did the time go? tig didn’t get a chance to upload Fridays entry… and it currently at the airport so most likely won’t be able to do so here either… but will upload them tonight… the weekend… what can tig say? This weekend locked in the fact that that is where tig belongs and that tig is needed and wanted there… tig arrived Friday at noon.. still a bit aprehensive but finally there… it felt like old home week there… such a comfort to be with Master… even for just a day and a half…. Went to pick up a bite to eat then to the movies – saw Underworld… kind of a gorry one but just the fact of being with Master made it good… after the movie we took a scenic ride towards the house... stopped for food then home… what beautiful scenery there is… mountains galore! Got to the house … a small quaint, floor and a half (?).. nice sized living room, computer room, bedroom, bath, kitchen/laundry… 2nd floor is a single large great room 2 queen beds on the right and dungeon on the left. tig hopes that in March the downstairs room will be vacant for tig to have a space… but there will most likely be shifting around so that eithere Master and pup or Behr would have their spaces… that will be need to be seen…. tig helped out fixing and serving Fridays dinner.. sweet & sour kilbasa over rice… everyone enjoyed…. (whew!) then we watched SciFi… after the chores were done that is…. Then to tigs surprise Master comes down with the straight jackets.. one for pup and one for tig.. just love the leather one…. 2 hours later… it was time for bed and out of the jacket… tig wasn’t too surprised to see that he would spend the night in the cage… 5x5 or somewhere around there… 1” square bars… it was comfortable but tig started to cramp in the early morning… but soon after Master came to get tig… wasn’t sure why… but tig was lead downstairs to the computer room where he knelt before Master for the chat that tig had requested… during that chat Master and tig covered a lot of topics but to make a long diatribe short… it ended with tig being recollared with Masters pledge collar… what a thrill for tig to again be wearing a leather collar! Not to long after Behr came wandering down… and Master went to clean up and get dressed…. So tig and Behr had their chance to chat… got a lot of history on Behr… fills in a lot of blanks that tig had of him. But the most important thing was to open the dialogs between tig and Behr… to find that connection… it does seem to have worked because the block between us seems to have dropped… Saturday was a day to meet new friends… Jim & Paul… two great guys… tig hopes to see a lot more of them in the future… we went home after and tig fixed dinned… roast beef, bisquets, egg noodles… it came out real good… tig did the dishes then askked to chat with pup….tig wanted to take a lot longer to chat with pup but didn’t have a chance to … but got to talk about the details that tig had planned to… Master wanted to play with puppy… it was fun.. pup seemed to have a great time…. During the play tig so wanted to go down on pup… he was right there… and looked so wonderful… but not knowing the limits; used his limits that his superiors genital areas are off limits unless invited… tig felt kind of bad when pup went down on tig…. But then he didn’t stop there… he used tigs dildo and his fingers and just made tig feel wonderful…. Master, pup and behr will soon learn that they have a slave to use as they wish and to do what they wish with…. To allow oneself to be used , for tig is a passage to or a step closer to being a slave… tig is sure that the trust required for this will soon be there… tig was also kind of dissapointed that behr didn’t stay.. but it is understandable… Master then gave tig a gift of great value, the chance to sleep snuggled close to Him. It seems so insignificant to some.. that the act of just being in the presence of another is so important… but not to tig… it is a healing, a bonding… just as a child is to his parents. But as all good things must come to an end… morning came and tig had to leave… a time that tig didn’t want to happen… tig showered … not only with the shower but with his tears… leaving is such a hard thing for tig to do… tigs trip back was a long one… Sacramento was great… Georgia was a mess… was 2 ½ hours late in leaving… got to NH at 11:30pm… then had to drive home… 2am when tig got home… so where to now? Well.. tig is back to Maine and now needs to get back to a routine… tig found it interesting tonight… big bill asked tig what the cage community gave to tigger for christmas… tig paused … and explained that they didn’t give tig a “thing” but gave him an emotion, a love, a memory… something much more valuable than things…. Something that tig will treasure forever. Something that bill and suu don’t understand… or can handle for that matter. Both of them are so materialistic that when faced with an exchange of emotion they don’t know what to do about it or how to handle it. Seems odd that he even asked….

[protected post] fridays journal 1-20

  • Jan. 20th, 2006 at 7:54 PM

Well, made it to Sacramento… it’s been a long time coming… the trips here were quite uneventful… Manchester was nice, got caught in security… the nipple rings… just to much for the system… it will be interesting to see if it happens going back… wen should be in phoenix by now… tig hopes that this weekend helps her make that big decision… Master Curtis sounded like he was doing great yesterday… can’t get online tonight so maybe will try tomowwor if Master allows… Master seems happy to have tig here as well as Master Behr and pup… tig is very happy to be here… didn’t realize how much tig really missed the guys…. Weather here is beautiful… haven’t put on the leather jacket yet…. But did see way too much snow…. Just a few miles up the road… it seemed odd that tig left Maine to travel 3150 miles to sunny California to see SNOW! Well, tig is getting tired so will soon see what Master has in store….

[protected post] travel night!

  • Jan. 19th, 2006 at 7:23 PM

tonights a quick entry... tig is in Manchester getting ready for the flight in the wee hours of the morning.... going to see Master.... a long awaited trip...

[protected post] Master & tig.... plus a lot more.....

  • Jan. 18th, 2006 at 4:11 PM

Well… tig just finished his work… will be goofing off for the rest of the day!... no one can complain though tigs work is more than caught up… recons are empty and daily is completed… so the pass down will be squeaky clean. tig will be checking his lists to be sure everything is packed and will stop by rite aid to pick up the last minute travel things. tig shouldn’t need anything else but as he told Sir… it is better to be prepared than to need and not have. Had a real good chat session last night with Maine Submissive… topic was how we keep focused in our daily lives on our submission… tig explained that for him his submission and slave being stayed forefront ahead of everything else… vanilla tasks are added – completed – then removed… but all fall under Masters umbrella. tig also uses his collar, ring and pictures to keep centered on Master and the community. But there are times that stress and pressure build up in tig and he looses his center and focus… those times require more effort to pull back in and refocus… usually a centering session does the trick… a quiet room, candles for peace… and a simple mantra like “thank you Master for owning such a slave” or just “thank you Master for your love” or “thank you Master”, “tig is yours”. It’s amazing how much of a difference an hour or so in solitude can change a person; bring that person back to the important spots in life. Even at work tig finds that closing his eyes and holding Master’s collar draws Master back to tigs center and reaffirms Masters ownership of tigger. That is one area that tig often find that he needs help with; that of affirmation. tigs being as with all humans require a small amount of affirmation to stay real to themselves… tig isn’t talking big parties held in for someone to thank them… no… just a good job…. Thank you… a smile… a hug… something to remind that life is good and all is well. Communication is so important in any kind of relationship, especially in a M/s relationship where so much trust is present between the Master and the slave. Without communication trust is hard to build and maintain. But then the questions, how much? What kind of communication? Is just a look enough? Should daily communication be primarily verbal? tig feels that in the early days verbal communication is a necessity. The art of reading a person does eventually come in time… tig, in the past has become very proficient in that art; knowing that Bill would be needing a soda, or tea…. Just by watching, observing…. … and allowing time to do its job. tig hopes that this weekend will help build that line of communication between Master, Behr, pup and tig. Over the past 2 or 3 weeks tig has felt and interesting dynamic happening in the Maine groups… more on the basis of dissention… seems to tig that a lot of what was felt earlier in the group segmenting has begun to happen…. There are group members that haven’t been heard from for months now… emails have been sent but nothing returned… it’s too bad because the Maine group was a strong voice for BDSM in the state… but with people like suu at the helm of the ship it’s bound to hit an iceberg! tig sits back every now and again and remembers conversations about SMAK never becoming another CUFS or ALUR … and low and behold… it has gone the same path… just ask her…. suu is SMAK just as angel is ALUR and ren is CUFS…. It’s a sad sight. Tig has often wondered if he was to stay and start a group if things could be different… heaven only knows!  tig isn’t going to worry because tig won’t be here long enough to start anything!

[protected post] 72 hours and counting! :)

  • Jan. 17th, 2006 at 6:54 PM

Looks like it’s going to be a fairly quick day today… none of the reports were up so we had to manually pull them… took a good chunk of the morning… work was light and went quick with very few issues… even had the time to clean my keyboard! The weekend went by quickly also didn’t seem to have time to do very much. Thought we might get rid of aunty on Monday but it didn’t happen…. Mom, Dad and her went down today and due to the weather will be back tonight but it looks clear for both sides Friday through Sunday. tig is looking forward to a quiet two days without aunty here…. Chatted with Master yesterday afternoon… from the sounds of it His and tigs review were much in the same area, tig is anxious to sit with Master and discuss the review and see what happens because of it. Master also assured tig that there was no reason to be scared of the trip… tig believes that he surprised Master with his answer to if tig was willing to spend a night in the cage… and tig responded that he would spend as much time anywhere that Master wished. Many things have changed for tigger and hopefully Master will be pleased to see them. A lot of the inhibitions that tigger started with and brought up during the October visit have gone and the service part of tig has begun to emerge along with the knowledge of the fact that for the past 90 days tig has survived as being Masters property…. Owned! An awesome feeling to have… sent a quick text msg to pup this morning… 2 ½ days – pup is very excited that tig will be there soon… not to sure about Behr though…. Haven’t chatted with him in a long time…will need to chat about that changing…. tig will add that to his list of discussion topics. So… tig is packed and ready to go… currently using the reserve set of everything… cuffs, chains, connectors… etc… just need to pick up gum for the trip to and from…. Mom is funny… she is still under the impression that in a year from tigs moving he will be returning to Maine…. She just doesn’t want to let go… guess it partly tigs fault for hanging around so long. tig is sure that the break will be hard but they will settle into a routine not long after tigs departure. tig just heard from pup 72 hours to go… Sir mentioned that the house would not be clean…. So tig reminded Sir that he was a trained houseboy….  got to love them…. They will make tig feel right at home…. Can start by cleaning! It would be real interesting for tig to be able to go back in time and see what his life would be had cage community not become a part of it…. Not really sure tig wants that to happen… in fact he knows that he doesn’t want that to happen.

[protected post] Jan. 16th, 2006

  • 10:07 PM

tig can hardly believe that thursday is almost here.... chatted with Master tonight... he and the community are just as excited about the visit... tig turned in the review... from what Master was saying tonight His side is about the same... tig is anxious to chat with Master about the review and see what happens from there. today was an interesting day to say the least... had it off because of Martin Luther King Jr day... will work tuesday and wednesday then leave thursday.... anne brought up again about visiting in the fall/winter time... told her that we will have to see. wen is so anxious for me to get back so she can hear how tig survived the weekend. tig set up a massage so we can chat.... might need one by then..... ;)

[protected post] the week is here

  • Jan. 15th, 2006 at 9:12 PM

it's hard to believe that this is the week... aunty is going home! and friday tig goes to Masters waiting arms... last night wen called tig and asked if he wanted to go to blackstones and to dinner to chat... Master Curtis, wen and tig had a great time... and good chat .. tig has been not upset but disappointed with the Maine bdsm groups.... but wen said that they are treating tig this way because of jealousy.... they want what tig has.. but are scared to take the necessary jump to fullfilment. people, especially bill and suu will be waiting with baited tongue to hear everything tig says... and to hear if tig doesn't make the cut... just so that they can gloat... but tig will never giv them the satisfaction to do so... tig WILL serve Master and see his destiny lived out.

[protected post] a beautiful day!

  • Jan. 12th, 2006 at 6:16 PM

A new day and old problem… no work… Barbara and tig have 125 to split… tig had 144 yesterday and was done by noon. So tig will have plenty of time to work on his journal and review…. One week from today.. tig will be in Manchester then at 5:45 on Friday morning will be on his way to California… tig feels a lot better after last nights chat with pup, it had been a very long time since we really chatted like that… tig was scared of not being all that he could in the area of protocols… there is so much that tig hasn’t experienced live yet… so tig and pup played the 50 questions game… now tig understands more fully what he should expect in directives, requirements and expectations. tig still has butterflies with going but with a reassuring hug from pup, Master and/or Behr every now and then everything will be just fine. It’s still an awesome thought that tigs dreams will be lived and change from the land of fantasy to that of reality. If only bill & suu could realize the full potential of what they have and live it to the fullest…. They would be so much better off, but that will never happen with them… they are not of the ideal of a 24/7 lifestyles… more just play time situations…. It’s really Interesting…. tig needs to remember that Master, pup & Behr are not task masters… they won’t beat tig to a pulp for a mistake or missed queue…. tig received his termination packet from HR yesterday and has started to look over things to make sure that every little detail is covered… and thus far it is!!! If tig can pull his esop and have it disbursed than March 1st will be the 2 week date… otherwise tig may have to stretch it out to the end of March…. And as usual all is hinged on a job! But everything will work out simply because it is right… and good…. Mom and Dad are doing well… now that Aunty has a place to go they will be busy getting her settled… so tig is pretty sure that they won’t have a going away get together for tig… and maybe that is for the best~ as for the Maine community… Ha! tig would be shocked if they do anything for tig… tig often hears things that lead him to believe that they might… but then knowing them…. They won’t! saw the most beautiful tatoo today…. Been thinking since about asking Master for permission to get a small tat…. Well… maybe not…. Don’t know…..

[protected post] a night of hurt

  • Jan. 11th, 2006 at 10:40 PM

Seems like it will be another quiet afternoon. Barb is out today… most likely a sick of work day! But that is ok, because if we had to split the work … tig would have been done almost 3 hours ago! So tig will work on the recons this afternoon…. Last nights chat was on that angered tig towards the end… tig is getting tired of people getting “heady” about submission, let’s face it… if tig is happy and Master is happy and we both see eye-to-eye … then what is the issue…. Stop trying to over-think the issues… as for dumping religion in to the mix… why? What does serving Master have to do with the faith that tig believes in? but through all the chat what hurt the most was being pushed to open up about what makes Master stand out for me…. What is it about Master that make tig want to uproot his life and move to California? This is a topic that brings forth a lot of hurt and pain in tigs life… It deals with not having a father around… not having that control aspect that is needed to grow fully and balanced. So is tig looking for a father figure in his life… maybe in a small way…. Someone that will take control and say no to tig… something that tig has never had. Mom told tig not to long ago about the memories that she has of tig sitting on the stairs when he was 3 or 4 … in tears… and asking why his daddy doesn’t love him…. Tig to this day still asks that question… but now knows the answer… it was dads own inadequacies not tigs… dad felt that he wasn’t what tig needed… so he spent his time with the guys at the bases… when dad wasn’t on deployment he worked… and worked…. And worked… anything to stay out of the house…. Away from tig… now if you ask Anne about dad… he was the best! Because he was there for her…. She was daddies little princess…. Tig was just in the way… did it hurt then? Yes….. Does it hurt now? Even more! Will tig ever reconcile with dad? Most likely not… why make him hurt too? For what purpose? Let him live as if all was good…. It will make it easier on mom… Last night we also chatted about making sure that there was fun in the M/s D/s relationship… tig doesn’t do this so well…. tig is serious when he serves… focused… but does tig like to have fun…. Yup! Always have and always will… there has to be fun…. We are emotional people, and laughter is one of our favorite emotions… and hey if you can’t laugh at yourself… why bother? But then the question was raised… is the “relationship” and ideal or is it with the one we serve? For tig… it is the ideal…. tig knows and realizes that Master and pup are partners and that Behr isn’t interested in tig… (at least tig thinks!), so tigs relationship is with the ideal of service… that there would be no romance…. Hopefully cuddling isn’t included in that term…. tig would be lost without cuddling….  Chatted with pup for over an hour tonight… tig feels better about the visit… more relaxed…

[protected post] quiet at work

  • Jan. 10th, 2006 at 6:50 PM

Today has been a good day… not a lot of work but did get a few messes cleaned up, that always makes it a good day. Starting to pull things together for the trip next weekend… still scared of what will happen… the unknown thing! Hopefully Master, pup and Behr will remember that tig is still in training, even though his heart is there, there is a lot that tig needs to learn. tig hopes that he will have quiet time with each of his new family members to better learn about them and so that they can become better acquainted with him. tig also hopes that there will be time that he can spend browsing the newspaper for employment, it is getting close and tig can’t really afford to move without the income on the other side ready to start. Just contacted Sir; seems he didn’t get tigs other two messages…. tig received his new harness yesterday, emailed Rick about having to adjust the straps… Rick is going to send snaps made for it…. He is so great! The sauna was fun on Saturday it was some much needed relaxation time. Even suu was in rare form… she was actually nice to wen and tig…. tig gave both wen and Master Curtis and Bill and suu Christmas gifts… they all said it was great! tig was even nice to Bill in that he gave him all of tigs magazines that Bill would like to “browse” and while he was there tig gave him a printer for his computer…. The other two are going to the free store along with the extra keyboards, mice and modems that tig has just collecting dust… tig has gotten rid of so much crap …. It’s amazing just how much stuff tig has held onto over the years… but now is a great time to do some house cleaning! Literally! The one thing that tig is having a hard time parting with (and he probably won’t) is tigs music… there is so much history tied up in it…. So many memories…. And hard work! What will tig do? tig will most likely store the old stuff and bring the newer stuff a little bit later down the road along with the keyboards. Tig mentioned yesterday that he is a bit scared of going… when you really look at why tig is going it is no wonder why he is scared. When Master, pup and Behr came for the October visit… things were different, they were on my turf so to speak… being submissive was not always something that could be done or accepted for that matter – but going there opens up a whole tidal wave of fears of not knowing what is expected of tig. Will tig be “on” for the entire three days? Will there be any just visit time? What about the collaring? Will tig be promoted to Omega or Gamma? The unknown is so scary… even just the move is terrifying! Leaving the comfort of home, the comfort of seniority at work and all of tigs comfort zones that he has at home…. Is there a comfort zone awaiting tig when he gets there? Will tig be able to handle all of the changes? Will he be allowed time to adjust? To fit in? what if he’s not? What then? Will there be a support platform there for tig when he hits bottom? What kind of platform will be there? Is it just a shoulder to lean on, or will they help tig through? What would tig like? Tonight is submissive chat with wen… it will be interesting to see what topic she has come up with… tig should work on a topic for her…. Hmmm will have to think on that one!

[protected post] ooops!

  • Jan. 10th, 2006 at 12:12 AM

Was hoping to get to bed early tonight and get some rest..... lol... best laid plans! a fun day back to work... volume in next to nothing so had plenty of time to get back in to the swing of things... and had time to waiste! love days like that.... so... before I get to tired and can't get to sleep tig is going to bed!

[protected post] almost there

  • Jan. 8th, 2006 at 9:14 PM

tig got his walk in closet sorted out... which leaves the file cabinets and 1/2 the basement stuff.... it should take about three to four weeks to finish up.... 8 bags of garbage, a load of computer stuff... printer, modems, keyboards and a mouse.... even a cd r/w drive.... going to the free store... this may sound odd but tig feels lighter... less incombured.... kind of a cleaning out of the old leaving plenty of room for the new... guess you could say that this is the second step in realizing tig new life... last night was fun at the sauna... had a great chat with wen and stoney... even suu was "nice" don't know what was up with that... but anyway..... tig offered some furniture to Ms. Lisa and Bill... don't know if they will take it or not... we'll have to see...

[protected post] a great day three!

  • Jan. 6th, 2006 at 9:34 PM

what has tig done to deserve three days of bliss? today was nice.... even got a gift from Avon! who'da thunk? :) and the best present yet... aunty got a new apartment! 2nd floor w/elevators, right accross the corridore from the laundry. so she leaves early February... woohoo... then mom and dad can get their lives back together again... before tig moves out.... tig feels that this is going to cost a lot more than he thought.... he may have to sell off a lot of stuff that he has to pay for this move.... tig will have to see what Master was plannig on doing... he mentioned a uhaul... tig isn't to sure about that.... tig was thinking more of taking cloths and computer stuff.... storing a bit and getting rid of the rest.... a lot to think about and chat with Master and pup about.... tig does need to start pushing on jobs... two interviews and still no answer... not good! but tig will start getting back to normal with vacation done and returning to work monday.... ah life will be so much better!

[protected post] another great day!

  • Jan. 5th, 2006 at 10:26 PM

even though we got 3 1/2 inches of snow today it ended up being another great day.... any day that ends with Master and pup giving tig a hug has got to be great. tig has started sorting and thinning.... 3 bags of garbage just from half of tigs closet.... yikes! but it needs to be done... Master gave tig the go ahead to do his 90 day review.... had to believe that it's been 90 days as Masters collared slave... which means it's been 7 months total... looking at the chat time with pup.... tig did a lot of thinking about scruffy today and his attitude last night... tig finally understands that not all slaves have the drive that tig does and wishes for more than just basic slaving.... tig even questions using the term slave for what scruffy does.... it seems to be more of a pen pal type of relationship.... consider that scruffy has yet to do anything Master has asked of him... even to the point of blatently saying "I'll do it when and if I get to it" ..... that doesn't sound slavelike to tig... but then tigs bar is set high.... and rightfully so... Master deserves the best... ok so this sounds sort of a pat-on-the-back blog... but Master, pup and behr have seen and commented on what tig offers... and it is important to know that what tig does now is tig... now and forever.... tig enjoys the work and the submission and gladly does so for Master, pup & behr.... tig hopes that during his visit in two weeks... tig will have some quality time alone with each of his superiors.

[protected post] a real good day!

  • Jan. 4th, 2006 at 11:16 PM

today was just a great day.... finished up Masters task and got it submitted.... we got all the christmas stuff packed away and had a great chat with the community... life couldn't be any better! at last nights submissives chat the topic was what do we do to feel better about ourselves in our submissivness... tig found that the more he is able to be an integral part of Masters, Behrs and pups lives the more tig can submit and the happier he is... this seems to sum up where tig is.... he is in that mode of learning about the community, experiencing the lifestyle. that is why tig so longs to move with Master... so that he may become one in will with him... so that he may feel the power that he posseses, so that Master may take all of tig that he wishes to take.... tig has so much to give... so much to offer.... how can tig offer more of himeself to Master being so far away? tig already follows Masters every rule, every wish... Master, Behr and pup have all the praise and love he can give... what can be done?

[protected post] a new life outlook

  • Jan. 3rd, 2006 at 11:23 PM

tig started today with a new outlook on life... wen asked at tonights chat if tig had a new years resolution... tig answered no... that resolutions only lead to failure for tig but she did not ask tig if he has made any life changes.... the answer to that is yes... tig has chosen and moved forward to a new life with Master Cage... what bigger life change is needed? tig finds new years resolutions interesting... how many people actually follow them? are they the same old shopping list? how many people have actually made life changing resolutions and actually did change their life for good???

[protected post] a reflection

  • Jan. 2nd, 2006 at 5:28 PM

tig is sitting here looking at a blank form wondering what he should write about. tig hasn't written since the dec 26th for no good reason except that he can... knowing full well that this is a luxury that he will soon give up and gladly hand Master Cage and pup. as time draws closer to the move date tig has realized alot of what he is going to give up and wishes that he could do so sooner... but the distance between us stops that from happening. it's hard to explain the draw that tig has... the gift he so wishes to give and the fulfilment of himself through the service. anytime tig chats with puppy about serving at the house a warmth permeates tig... a peace, a calm comes over him.... but back to todays journal: tig hasn't been journaling because he has been looking back at 2005. what it has given... and taken. 2005 held some very down point for tig, he separated from Andy, he left bill & suu and had a few moments that he was ready to end it all just to end the hurt. 2005 had us attending 4 senior members of the families funerals. we had 2 births, and 2 separations. the BDSM community took a loss this past year and ended with a fire gutting a friends house, tig left bill & suu after 8 months of hurt and abuse... tig resigned from playing at sacred heart and has taken a sabbatical from church itself. this year set tigger on a self discovery expedition... on of the major things that tig found was that going to "church" was being a hypocrite.... going to a place that one knows that his is not accepted at ... not welcome... so on 9/11 tig ended 26 years of playing and has to admit the it is pretty nice not having to worry about it... good things that happened are few and far between but the best thing that ever could have happened did so to tigger... he found Cage Community... or it is better to say that Cage Community found tigger.... 2006 will be a lot better... tig will be moving and starting his life anew... mom and dad need to do the same they need to start anew on their own... the guilt card isn't going to work any more! tig almost forgot to add about the wonderful time he had on friday night... pup allowed tig to release... his rules were to freeze Masters steels anal balls and use the sound and tens unit... tig was to not use manual stimulation and to hold off as long as he could..... well... tig did as instructed and held off for almost 35 minutes.... and with just the power of the tens came with a gush.... it was awesome .... during the time tig thanked Master and pup for allowing him to do this... after tig had relaxed tig licked up everything that he could and made sure to leave some cum on his moustach to smell all night.... tig slept in full chains and cuffs and attached to the hook over the bed and slept very sound and secure in the knowledge that he pleased Master and pup in following his orders.

2006 January - February

future???

  • Feb. 21st, 2006 at 9:11 PM

tig had a question posed to him this weekend that stopped and made him think ... a lot.... Why did tig look outside the state to find what he was looking for when he could have found it here? Definitely something to ponder... tig feels that a lot of it has to do with Mom & Dad.... the physical getting away from them... and the need to get away from everything that is “Paul”.... in order to create and establish the new tigger. Moving away will allow everything that is being repressed to come out... such things as the need to be owned, the need to serve, the need to be wanted and appreciated... in short a chance to start again and to grow into the slave that tig desires to be. But beyond that there is something that tig can’t put his fingers on with the guys... is it just the dynamic of the house and the guys? is it that these are three gay men that have made this work? Is it the excitement of the move coupled with everything they offer....? in a way tig believes it is a bit a everything that when combined makes a perfect situation even better....
tig had a great chat with hound on Monday... hound kept avoiding saying something to tig... so tig told him that he could say anything to tig that he wanted to.... hound said that he was scared and somewhat doubtful that slavery was for him.... that what he wants the most is to rest at Masters feet to experience that level of submission... and feels unfulfilled due to the distance issue... knowing what he was feeling... tig asked what being at Master feet meant to him? what feelings were involved? .... hounds response was that was what he needed to do to please Master.... knowing of hounds wearing of the lycra suit at Masters request... tig equated that to being at Masters feet... and that hound should look at his actions as if he was there in person... that Master, because hound was being obedient, would most likely be pleased... tig then told hound of Masters approving hug after tig spent the night in the cage... and how for tig being chained at home is the same... it is done to please Master... and that tig may not always enjoy it or want to bother... but it is still done for Masters pleasure.... and that is what counts... hound understood a lot more and mentioned that it was a lot for him to think about... tig understood that and mentioned that this was a good time to use journaling ... to put his questions , answers and feelings all on paper..... hound agreed and said that he would try it.... what a wonderful gift to Master if he does.... tig did mention that he would be in contact with him to see how he was doing because it is a lot to think about and deal with.... tig enjoys chatting with hound... he seems so much more focused than scruffy... but both have their strengths... and we all have our weaknesses.... but tig enjoyed being able to help hound through this rough time.... It was funny ... during tigs chat with hound, hound popped up out of the blue and answered a question with “Yes Sir...” tig requested that he not do that... that tig wasn’t a Sir.... hound laughed and said that tig should be... that he should speak to Master about it.... tig responded laughing.... but later that evening got to thinking about tigs future and how that might not be as far fetched as it sounded... to serve as “Chris” in the Marketplace books.... a MajorDomo... owned by Master and subservent to the Masters of the house... but in charge of the slaves.... which would allow Master Behr time to do the specific training of the slaves that he is so skilled at and to partner with pup in direct service to Master Cage.... this might be tigs calling.... the thought of serving but also being in charge sounds quite appealing.... it’s something to journal about at a later time... the more tig chats with scruffy and hound the more he realizes that he is indeed blessed to be able to up and relocate his life to follow his dream of serving Master... if only the money was there to bring tigs brothers to the house... what a wonderful life could be had by all.... but luck doesn’t seem to be on tigs side right now.... maybe soon....

[protected post] so close

  • Feb. 20th, 2006 at 6:16 PM

As tig sits here looking at the calendar; it hits me that next week tig will give his two week notice then two weeks later end a twelve year tenure at the bank.... then two short weeks later tig will drive to Manchester to pick up Master and drive to California.... 5 short weeks.... it is so far away... yet so close.... tig has so much to think about in those 5 weeks... is tig ready... more than you know... packed or not... tig is ready... tig needs this change... an yet tig still get asked how he can do this... how he can leave everything behind and with only knowing the community for 9 months can move cross country to live a dream... honestly... it is so hard to explain when you just know it is right... tig trusts the members of the community.... yes its hard looking back at my BDSM history... tig hasn't been given a good chance to trust.... but there is something very different very unique about these guys that tig hasn't put his finger on... but yet tig is drawn to trust, somewhat blindly, again...

[protected post] good chat

  • Feb. 19th, 2006 at 11:14 PM

This has been a long weekend.... the alur munch went well a big crowd... it was nice to see. wen and tig went out after to have a heart to heart chat... something that both of us needed... we didn't get home till almost 1:30am.... but it was so worth the time... so much has gone on in her life and so much in my life that just talking about it with another slave to get their outlook on things helps so much... one of the things that wen and tig chatted about was wens wanting to have a party for tig with about 20 people or so.... but tig asked that we not do that but have just a small dinner with maybe 10 at the most... just tigs very closest friends... that's all tig would like.... tonight was the submissive roundtable... stoney, joie, wen and tig met... and what a great chat we had... its amazing how much we can learn from each other... communication is a wonderful thing!

[protected post] community interaction

  • Feb. 17th, 2006 at 6:19 PM

Today’s topic... community interaction - tig sees this as a very important but often overlooked topic... without interaction the trust that is so necessary is diminished... or for that matter non-existent. community interaction can mean a lot of different things.... tig sees online chats, Wednesday chats, text messages, phone calls, cards, gifts, a touch, a look, an emotion ..... anything that can say “hey, I’m thinking about you” as interaction.... without it, tig feels disconnected, misplaced, alone.... tig chats everyday with pup, not to be exclusive but to feel part of the community. pup serves as tigs connection point to the community as a whole... tig would much prefer to have that kind of contact with the three of them but doesn’t see that happening till tig moves in... it is a shame though that it can’t be... so much more trust could be built prior to the move. tig does enjoy chatting with scruffy and hound... and takes any opportunity to do so.... both bring a different view to the community, their needs are so different from tigs.. it’s interesting to see how each of us handle things.... and how each of us have a different level of trust, commitment, submission... it would be an interesting study to see the dynamic of the six of us living in one house, under one roof.... would we kill each other by the end of the first week? .... a lot would depend on Master and how he would deal with the situation... how would the dynamic be between scruffy, hound and tig.... it would all be so interesting. to say the least Master Behr would have his hands full... it would be a good test to see if Master Behr is able to handle the numbers as well as the activities of 3 slaves... t would also be interesting to see how pup would fit in with the training and operations of the household. Master Cages’ interaction with that many would likewise be something to witness.... distance seems to be a wall with some members of the community though. Will being in person change the communication of the house? or will tig be trained in the way it is to be? hmmm... something to ponder!

[protected post] protocols

  • Feb. 16th, 2006 at 9:04 PM

Today’s topic - protocols - tig understands them to be a lot like daily duties.... things that tig is responsible to do and to take care of on a daily basis... these are rules that govern tigs movements, speech, looks, decisions, attitude and maintenance. So why not make Duties ... protocols? Basically protocols, tig feels are unchanging... once a slave has protocols they should be followed throughout the relationship... and duties can be added, changed and/or dropped at any time.... but what if no one else in the house follows protocols? Should tig be expected to follow them too? tig feels that he should follow them and try to understand why the others don’t... tig does understand that Master has been slack with Behr and pup in the expectation of the use of protocols. But unless Master relaxes the protocols till will follow them without question. But then comes the question... What if pup and/or Behr ask tig to do something that negates a protocol? Should tig request clarification with regards to the protocol? or blindly follow the order?
A good example, last night (Wednesday) according to tigs “rules” is a mandatory attendance at the community chat. tig declined dinner in Portland with co-workers so that he would be there for the chat... tig signed on at 5 minutes till 9pm EST and requested permission to speak... from both Master Cage and Master Behr.... tig stayed at the computer ... online till 10:30pm.... at which time tig dismissed himself and went to bed... no one showed up.... and no cancellation notice.... should tig be upset since it’s not a protocol... but one of tigs rules? should tig even say anything? If this was a protocol tig would mention the breech of such... but where it is a rule of tigs to attend and tig did so... then there is no reason to address it.... if Master or Behr wish to bring it up then we will discuss their being more attentive to the community.... this is where terminology and the understanding of the same becomes an important factor..... if tig took everything Master said as protocol tig would be so confused because many times there have been conflicts between protocol and duties... good discussions must be had to clarify what is and what isn’t a protocol... in fact the best route is to keep a list of protocols posted for easy reference because they should overrule everything and if a counter order brought up... should be addressed....

[protected post] play time!

  • Feb. 15th, 2006 at 9:04 PM

today’s topic: Play time - this is one of those topics that means so many different things to different people.... for some play time is just a time to be together and let whatever happens happen... for others its a planned session... every detail laid out like a well told story... for others they start with an idea... and fly with it.... sometimes it’s sexual, sometimes its impact, sometimes sensual ... it’s whatever the Master so chooses it to be. but what if the play isn’t what the slave enjoys/desires? that is where pre negotiations come into play.... do you take the time to talk about what you like/don’t like? if you talk about it and Master does the opposite should one rebel? tig feels that this is where trust comes into play.... back, just after tig started with bill and suu, tig was being played with by bill.... almost 20 minutes into the play time suu came in (tig didn’t and doesn’t hold a lot of trust with suu!), grabbed a cane and wailed on tigs inner thigh... 4 major hits... then left.... tig was in tears and couldn’t walk because of the searing pain she left... not to mention the huge welts that she left... was that her form of “play”? bill, after apologizing profusely offered that she was trained that way.... there was no beginning.... it was wham, wham, wham.... done.... if you had pain you needed to suck it up and deal with it... and not complain... because if you did then you got it worse the next time!.... seems like an odd way to enjoy each others company. bill on the other hand knew how to start easy ... build to a crescendo then bring you back down .... it was a wonderful experience... to some, a sexual experience is the play.... the scene.... the slave servicing the Master or the Master servicing slave... CBT, you name it... if it has to do with the loer region it is a go...depends on what the Master so wishes.... both are gratifying.... still others like the humility aspect of play.... put the slave in a diaper and cloths and take them out then make it well known that the slave is diapered today....and even change the slave in a public restroom.... tig has been there and was changed too... in the Maine Mall restroom!... if he only new that it wasn’t that humiliating... cause tig liked to dress that way and go out... and wasn’t inhibited about being naked.... tig thinks is was more humiliating for him to do it than it was for tig to have it done to him...... :) sometimes turn around IS fair play! ;) thus far tig has seen the sexual side of Masters “play” but also knows by what he has seen on the website that there are other aspects to Masters play that he has yet to experience.... maybe tig will never experience them... that is up to Master... tig is partial to electro play both sexual and not... the feelings just drive him to bliss... tig loves his tens unit..... almost as much as the flogger.... hmmm tig has never done the two together.... would that push tig over the edge? tig can just imagine the sensations pulsing through his body!

[protected post] relationships

  • Feb. 14th, 2006 at 6:46 PM

hmmm... today’s topic - relationships - this is a topic that tig has thought a lot about.... the idea of moving in to a house with three guys that is would be very easy to strike up an intimate relationship with... how would that work? What happens if it does? One of tigs problems is that he bonds deeply with people. What exactly does that mean? it means that for tig the relationship transcends that of just friends to a level of commitment, trust and intimacy, usually without the sex involved... which people don’t understand how one can be intimate without the sex... but tig doesn’t have the need for sex - not to say that it wouldn’t be welcome that is.... but as a need ... it’s just not there... but the level of intimacy is... such is the relationship tig has with pup... one that tig can talk to pup about literally anything, one that tig can survive just spending quality time with pup... just to cuddle with him is all that is needed.... and the same is coming true with Master Cage...the trip home will be an eye opener for tig in the relationship area... to be together for that length of time alone with Master.... how will it all play out? tig finds that just being with them fills tigs needs.... the night before tigs departure from California Master allowed tig to sleep in the same bed as him... what a thrill that was to have that time to snuggle and just be in his presence... that meant so much more to tig than anything else he could have done ... tig hopes that over time he and Behr will work into a loving relationship like that.... but through all of this tig needs to keep a clear head about him... he has to remember and know that Master and pup are life partners... that tig isn’t to come between them... in any way, shape or form. But the big question is where is the line drawn? What do others look at as being too close... to intimate? Should there be some sort of a standard set? it’s a hard question to answer because it is a very individual thing... like tig happens to be a cuddler... but is Master?, Behr?, pup? tig hopes that at least one of them is.... now... what about external relationships? What will happen if tig falls in love with someone outside the community? Will that change the dynamic of the house? Honestly, tig doesn’t see that happening.... tig tends to not go out much without friends... so meeting others for romance is another issue.... the dynamics of the house will be of much interest with tig... where is tig right now with the issue? tig loves the community for who they are... but has a stronger bond with pup... the relationship with Master is strong and growing ... and the relationship with Behr is moving towards the right direction.... how strong they get will be dictated by the levels set on their part.... tig feels that they could all be strong if the situations right.....

[protected post] duties/tasks

  • Feb. 13th, 2006 at 6:45 PM

work is a bit slow today ... have a few projects to clean up but nothing else is in the pipeline to work on.... so tig should have some time today to delve in to a topic... if tig can think of one that is....hmmm... what about tasks and duties... tig sees them as a growth necessity... when tig has duties and tasks to take care of it helps him grow as part of the community. without them tig feels disconnected... distanced... alone... it’s tigs connection point.... for some reason the community feels that moving is a big enough task for tig to deal with... but tig is so organized at this point that he could take one day, close up everything and move the following day.... that’s how well things are set up.... tig has about one more full day of sorting to finish up then a final pack down and tig is ready to go.... but back to duties and tasks.... tig looks at duties as ongoing tasks... something done as a routine... tig has 14 duties currently that he follows daily... from how and when tig can please a Master, to curfews, to how tig should sleep during each night, to the minimum that tig should clean his leather.... all meant to keep tig healthy, happy and knowing of his being owned and doesn’t have the freedom to just do what he wants... tasks... a better term would be projects... short term special things to do and work on.... even though tig loves his duties, tig prefers tasks... special things to do for Master, Behr and pup... things that allows tig to use his knowledge to better the community in some small way.... what is the need that tig has? well... tasks build trust... when someone gives out a task... they trust that it will be done to the best of the slaves ability in the required time given.... it establishes that level of submission.... for the slave by his obedience to his Master, trainer or senior slaves. Without the tasks the level of submission isn’t established thus never setting a minimum standard for the slave to reach... thus in the slaves eyes the level of expectation is in turn never realized.... so, what does tig need? tasks from Master, pup and Behr! tig has completed and proven himself many times to Master Cage.... pup has made requests of tig that have been completed... and tig was even requested to brainstorm for Master Behr... and was completed without delay.... so why did they stop? tig finds that the biggest drawback with the community is that they tend to forget the distance of the family members... that we are not right there to serve and that it is duties and tasks that connect the LDR slaves to the community. Since tig seems to be setting a learning curve for the community this might be a good place to begin.... once the line of communication is established duties should be given... establish the obedience line from day one.... if they are incapable of dealing with and following through with daily duties they most likely will be unable to handle tasks.... but tig finds it very important that the duties come from all of the community members.... not just a few.... those lines need to be established... failure to establish the proper lines of communication, submission, trust and obedience leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and a general lack of trust between the Master and slave... maybe tig, as he does these journal entries dealing with online training, should put together his thoughts in a booklet form for Master to review....

[protected post] so close and yet so far

  • Feb. 12th, 2006 at 11:06 PM

Anxious doesn't really cover the way tig has been feeling... so many emotions... so many feelings... so much frustration... so much hurt... so many unknowns... tig doesn't know what end is up or down anymore... tigs car is being fixed... and the roadtrip is on.... but March 30th is so far away! tig isn't real good with patients... after much thought tig is looking forward to doing the trip with Master Cage.... it will give us pleanty of time to learn about the inner people that we are... and being able to just be with Master alone is an honor for tig ... but will it further distance Behr.... now having a close relationship with pup and now Master? will tig be damned from day one because of that?

[protected post] to loose a friend is to loose a great thing

  • Feb. 11th, 2006 at 7:30 PM

today is a hard day for tig... burying a friend is never an easy thing to do... Joe was a close friend one that few can have... he gave of himself from the heart every day... every minute... he was always there... as he grew older and older we swapped place... we were always there for him... all the way to the end we held his hand and were there for him... it's hard to let go... tig had the privelege to play and sing the funeral and did so with pride because it was for him... he deserved the best and that's what tig gave... tig slept the rest of the day away... tomorrow is supposed to be a big snow event.. not looking forward to it at all.... tomorrow is also supposed to be a submissive roundtable.... don't know if tig will make it with the snow and all... will have to play it by ear... besides that nothing else is new or improved... the lack of a training Master still builds frustration in tig.. maybe he'll find himself so that he can do the training... but tig is loosing hope real quick... tuesday tig will hopefully going to portland to meet with friends to say goodbye...

[protected post] ARGHHHH!

  • Feb. 11th, 2006 at 2:15 AM

today was a great day! Friday! looking forward to the weekend.... supposed to have a snowstorm Saturday night into Sunday... going tanning today after dad picks me up... cause tigs car is in the shop for an inspection sticker and going over for trip worthiness... it will be interesting to see what he finds... if anything. had very little work today so did a lot of playing around.... the car needs about $200 in work so will be leaving it there for the weekend… tanning was wonderful… might just keep it up… love the warmth and relaxation. ARGH! This is stupid! tig is sitting here so frustrated that it isn’t even funny anymore! When is tig going to have a MASTER??? someone that can train him? Apparently never! tig has been with the community for 9 months 5 under contract! and the only training that tig has seen has been from Master and pup…. tig remembers very clearly being assured that the training would be online and that everyone would have a hand in it…. Guess that didn’t include Behr…. he just doesn’t seem to be interested in being Master to tig…. Not sure why…. if he only realized how frustrated it makes tig… he wants the title and the respect but doesn’t seem to want to do the work that goes with it…. tig needs the control of someone…. Pup and Master have total control over tig… but the one who is supposed to have it… doesn’t care enough to even chat with tig… never mind take control…. funny way to gain respect and build trust! tig hopes that he isn’t expecting tig to just give him unpon moving there…. Having no contact with him has served to not build any foundation…. Nothing to build trust on…. is Behr trying to sabotage this? Is that all he wants?…. Is this his way of keeping his place as Beta? And not have to exercise his autority as Master? it seems totally plausable…. What other reason could there be to do this?

[protected post] money, money, money!

  • Feb. 9th, 2006 at 3:01 AM

Wow, not a good way to start the day.... Joe Carlo a very close friend of the family died this morning... mom called and was very upset... understandably... it will be a big loss to them and the church. tig will be playing the funeral, it’s the least that tig can do for him... he lived a long good life though... and the Lord will accept him with open arms.... tig finally got some sleep last night... the sub chat went well... decided that tigs chakras are out of whack and needs aligning.... tig will chat with wen about this soon.... tigs been doing some thinking about his car especially after Master asked last night about it.... tig has 3 options.... sell here and buy there.... tow it behind a small truck .... or get it fixed and drive it across.... then if tig drives could pup fly over and drive back with tig? or would tig have to do it himself... 3150 miles over 4 or 5 days is a long trip alone.... tig would have issues with financing a car due to credit issues from last year... or maybe the community could buy it and tig pay it..... guess this will need to be a major community discussion topic... will need to find out what Master wants tig to do.... this is kind of a big decision for the community, but then it would be a good time for the community to start building assets... a car is a good place to start. tig thought a lot about what would happen if he was lucky enough to win the powerball... 220 million dollars... would it change tig? if so how? tig supposes that it would change him to an extent... being free of all bills and not having to work at a job ever again ... what a relief that would be... but then the amount of people that would benefit from that money... family, churches, friends, communities... tig would first confirm everything and make the necessary arraignments... then start with mom & dad... get all their bills paid and get them looking for land to put a house on... fly down to Woodbridge and pay all Anne & Steve’s bills then to Aline and Bens then to Robert & Holly’s... once all the bills were paid tig would set up three trusts one for each couple... that would set everyone back on the correct path with stipulations! the accounts would be under dual control... tig and Aline, Robert or Anne the spouse would have no claim... with the amounts deposited to the accounts if they don’t squander it they could live nicely off the interest. Mom and Dad will be set up very comfortably for life, that is not a doubt... tig would then fly to CA... have pup give his notice and the same with Master Cage and Master Behr... tig would request that they find the land or home that they want.... tig would set up accounts for everything needed.... Gabe would be given the current house and an account with funding.... for basic support... tig would then return home and meet with the pastors of holy trinity and sacred heart... funds would be allocated for each... then the MGMC ... tig would fund a year of concerts.... that should get them going again! then tig would sit with wen and kallen.... and establish a Maine community fund to get a play space complete with equipment and get it running.... once set and organized mom and dad could be moved... and tig would assume his position in California along with puppy and Behr as slaves to Master... scruffy and hound would be shipped stateside if they wished to do the same.... what fun it would be to go and kidnap him :)

[protected post] running low on topics.....

  • Feb. 7th, 2006 at 4:37 PM

today was a bit better... still didn’t sleep well again.... not sure what’s up with that.... been monitoring the bruising on my legs from the weekend... especially the left.. wen did a good job! last nights chat with pup concerning tigs journal went well... i’m glad he understands and agrees with what tig wrote.... tig finds it very important for everyone to start on the same page. Sir did ask an interesting question... that where wen was able to push tig over that edge and essentially break tig... is tig now bonded more with wen than that of his bond with Master? tig thought for a bit then responded no.... what wen did for tig was to force him to see the truth, and to delve into the dark side of who he is and submit to that... the relationship that tig and wen have is one that can’t go deeper without breaking some moral rules of tigs... and that just won’t happen... even during the play wen held to the minimal genital contact and minimal nipple contact rules... and yet she still had tig begging. In regards to the play that tig has witnessed and experienced with Master Behr... I often wonder if he will be able to handle the level and intensity of play that tig is used to... 2 ½ hours of solid flogging, whipping and caning... that’s a lot for one Master to handle.... guess tig will need to wait to see what he can and can’t do.... but to break tig.... not from tigs current experience of Master Behr ... not yet at least... ;) tig just asked Sir for a topic to think about.... tig seems to be revisiting old topics in his journal.... time for a fresh idea..... hmmm Sir just texted back a good question.... how will tig deal with and feel about living with more than just the four of us? With the possible addition of multiple slaves.... it is a real good question, one that tig hasn’t explored yet... the dynamic of the entire house would actually be changed with every addition... Just as tig is sure that it has changed with his addition to the household....Master Cage would be required to be more of a schedule based headmaster... dividing His precious time over all the slaves... Behr would also have to adhere more to a schedule of training to keep up with the different levels of the slaves present including puppy... and depending on the numbers ... work more with the pledge/omega levels - puppies roll would most likely be changed to more of a trainer for the upper levels of slaves to facilitate the vastness of duties that would be required of Behr and pup.... where would tig fit in? well... hopefully by then tig would be in a much better position to assist with the training ... even this weekend at tomo’s place tig was able to assist mj with the duties and pass on some valuable knowledge on serving dinners to guests... a skill tig enjoys and excels at. It would be nice to see; when this does happen and tig is sure it will.... to have a Marketplace type of system set in place... Master, pup and Behr should read the series... talk about living a dream.... the whole thing... pledge/review week... training, weekly interviews, specific limits ... tig could see himself in a few different rolls in the book... Behr could be Chris; the Owners “Master Sargent” so to speak... directly in charge of the day to day training of the slaves.... issues the orders and expects them to be followed.... and in turn He is a constant in the slave lives... no matter what happens be it a simple task to severe discipline... Chris is always there... a constant! tig can see pup as the supervisor of the “Chris’s” in the house.... overseeing the training of those directly responsible for the needs, well being and happiness of the Masters of the house.... and tig, trainer of individual skills... cooking, cleaning, serving, gardening.... working side by side with Master Behr and directly reporting to Him.... freeing up His time for bigger and better things.... what a wonderful dream.... maybe with the 200+ million from Wednesdays power ball would help the situation..... oh if the gods and goddesses be willing! The conferences we, as a family could attend and learn from.... the opportunities that we could avail to the would-be slaves... the gifts that we could provide the communities.... the good that could be provided for the Master/slave cause.

[protected post] a weekend of learning......

  • Feb. 6th, 2006 at 4:31 PM

as tig sits here with not a lot of work to do on a Monday morning, tig has decided to start typing his journal for the weekend.... Thursday tig chatted with pup and requested permission to not bring his laptop and to not journal Friday, Saturday or Sunday .... pup agreed stating that tig should take the time to serve Master Curtis so that’s what tig did...so......Friday - sort of a non eventful day, got to sleep in, took mom & dad to breakfast.... got home and finished putting thing together for the trip. The trip down was uneventful 6 hours in a small car with rain coming down till just after Boston... but then sun! - got in to NY around 9:30pm, sat up and chatted with Mark till around midnight... then called it a night... didn’t do a lo of sleeping that night... had a lot of stuff on my mind.... Saturday came WAY too early - about 7:30am and the girls were up and raring to go.... today was going to be a shopping day then off to long island to Tomo’s house for dinner.

Before we go further tig needs to add that he went to NY with a mission... or two.... First was to clear his head... last weeks blow up in the community dumped a lot of doubt on tig that came very close to tigs dissolving his contract with the community... yes! that much doubt and that close! but thanks to wen that didn’t happen.... she made tig understand that there were other factors at play here.... that the email was just a catalyst for some deep smoldering items to burst into a roaring fire..... Second, was for tig to make a final decision, to either makes the move or not... simple as that may seem, was a major contention over the entire weekend.

Now back to Saturday, the shopping was uneventful as tig thought it would be, the trip to Tomo’s was longer than what it looked on the map, almost an hour and a half.... we drove up to the house... a nice two story cape... very roomy... big fireplaces one in the living room one in the dining room... well set up kitchen and a cute dungeon... not a lot of toys, but enough to make count. Tomo is a solid 6’+ dyke that commanded respect... and tig was eager to do so.... we also met “Red” a friend of Tomo’s... another smaller dyke that likewise deserved full respect... Red seemed to be the life of the party, which was welcome, then there was mj, Tomo’s slave, a relatively young, baby faced dyke that has a heart that just overtakes her personality ... her eagerness to serve was admirable, but as nice as she is tig found her to be lacking in training with regards to dealing with guests and dinner parties... but we have to start somewhere.... with Tomo guiding her she will get there. After dinner Tomo showed us the dungeon, a small room... very warm... with a bar, spanking bench and sling. A long bondage bar hung on the wall to one side... Master Curtis had wen prepare and started with the whip but then she started to not feel well so she bowed out and requested that tig take her place. so, tig prepared and Master did a wonderful job warming tig up.... about 15 to 20 minutes worth...of heavy flogging... tig was blindfolded so didn’t really notice the swap... wen took over....

Just an aside note here... tig spoke to Master Curtis and wen about being pushed... about being taken to the edge and pushed over... broken ... so to speak....

Well, back to wen.. 2 ½ hours tied to the wall.. we began around 9ish and tig was released around 11:30 (we left at midnight). wen took tig places he had never been to.. but forced tig to look at the need for tig to totally surrender to everything... about 2/3rds of the way through tig finally broke and gave in to the pain, to the need to be Mastered, to the desire of slavery in his life, to himself... but that was not good enough for wen... she took tig deeper to more of a self realization place that helped tig see things clearer, a place that tig would like to revisit.... tig had been broken... the flood of emotion was overwhelming... all of the fears, the hopes, the dreams, the joys, the pains, the happy, the sad were all there stairing tig in the face ... what would he choose to have?.... which route would tig take on this part of the journey? a decision tig needed to make this weekend. but more than that fact came out of this experience.... tig realized that just as Behr felt tigs journal was a cry for help so was Behr’s email to tig.... Behr’s issue wasn’t with tig or with what tig had done... it was a response to his own internal struggles... could it be that Behr sees a lot of himself in tig? Behr wants to be a Master ... but doesn’t want to leave the submissiveness that he enjoys as slave to Master Cage. Can he effectively serve and be served? Where did Behr get his training to be Master? Has Behr been trained as a Master? Did Behr train Eagle? is there more to the Eagle situation than meets the eyes? it seems that Eagles acting out was a major cry to be Mastered, why didn’t that happen? Or, is this whole thing just a matter of too many hands in the pot, too many trainers and not enough slaves? tig feels that until Behr finds his place, his happiness in the greater community it might not be a bad idea to give Behr the room he needs to explore what his needs are and if they are being met.... maybe even revisiting the initial idea of pups .... that he personally would train tig? Since tig was to be trained to serve pup and Master personally.... it’s odd how those old IMs seem to now come back as what should have happened in the first place........ or was it a pipe dream of pup to do that? we got back to the apartment at 1:00am to find Mark and Eric still up.... we chatted for about an hour, showed off the wonderful marks that wen had left then tried to get to sleep.... that took a while because sleeping on the floor with the marks all in the right places made it extremely hard to find a comfortable way to lay... even sitting was an experience....

Sunday morning came way, way to early aren’t kids wonderful??? but that’s ok.... had a quick chance to get in a nap after cleaning up the apartment.... we did lunch then headed over to the gay/lesbian center for the Mast meeting... we were ½ hour late... but then they were too... so we actually made it in time.... :) oh the people tig got to meet... Sir Stephen and slave catherine (current international Master & slave title holders), Master Jack and slave raven (current regional Master/slave total holders), Master Tip and slave rick, Master Larry (head of the Metro Mast group) and so many others that tig can’t remember all their names..... but it was the topic of the discussion that hit home.... Master Jack and slave raven did a workshop on Master/slave relationships... what is needed and not needed... over emphasized and not emphasized enough... so many things that tig is doing were brought up... things like being true in journaling... a slave should be transparent... but because of “issues” the slave feels it necessary to edit their journal... or in tigs case - does a second journal... this is what they need to hear ... because of the fear of what will happen if they write about their true fears and feelings.... let’s look at this.... why does tig feel in necessary to have a “real” journal and a viewable one? because tig feels that his journal is being viewed as something it’s not.... because he is afraid that something will be misconstrued and acted upon without bringing it to and/or discussing it with tig... tig feels that a journal is a PRIVATE reflection... something that can’t be judged as right or wrong... something that shouldn’t be judged at all.. but instead is a tool or window into tigs inner most being.... one that shouldn’t be acted upon in any way unless specifically requested..... which it has never been or will never be .... in tigs case that is.... this topic was specifically brought up in the discussion and slave raven said the same thing.... transparency! = non edited... growth and trust can only happen in that forum.... when the line of transparency happens.... so the Mast meeting ends and after some good chat with the “upper ranking folks” we headed back to the apartment to get the luggage and hit the road. The ride home Master Curtis, wen and tig had a major discussion on the outcome of the weekend.... so many things happened that it needed to be tied together and put in perspective.... sometimes chats like that are harder than the actual experience... we got to the boat at 1:30am, the ride home was spent in reflection and quiet... tig left for NYC a stressed, lost, hurting, searching sole but has returned a changed, focused, slave... one that knows the path chosen if the right path.... with bumps and smooth spots...... so where to now?

Let’s look at the bumps....
Journaling: tiggers understandings: a reflection of the inner tigger available for viewing and commenting.... a place that tigger can speak openly without fear of action, retribution, punishment, discipline or consequence... a place where tigger can be free to express everything and anything without censorship of any kind. A place where tigger can talk things through, solve or at least review his options without recourse or involvement from the community unless the involvement is specifically requested by tig via email, IM or phone....

Relationships: tiggers understandings: relationships are formed in various ways none of which can be forced or assumed. One relationship may form early on and remain strong because of communication, others may form slower but be just as strong as the previous, and others may form only after a lot of hard work combined with trials and errors. Not everyone can, should or be forced into a relationship situation.... Different people connect differently... none of which is either good or bad. Relationships are what they are....

Trust: tiggers understandings: trust is a hard topic for tig because he has been hurt so many times by so many men, which is why tig can no longer bring himself to blind trust or to trust through others... trust for tig needs to be developed through communication, caring, love and support.... until those needs are at least being attempted tig will find it hard pressed to trust. This includes everyone from Master down to scruffy... trust doesn’t discriminate... just as the hurt and pain that tig has been made to endure doesn’t discriminate.

[protected post] content

  • Feb. 1st, 2006 at 10:56 PM

today is going ok.... was offered to do a double shift... even went as far as to ask permission.... the extra money would be nice to have.... pup approved it.... but before tig accepted he thought better of it.... it would mean that tig would miss community chat... and the community comes before tigs needs or wants... besides that everything else is going ok.... finally got a bit of sleep last night... the sub chat was fun last night... we were hard pressed to stay on topic... and wen just let it go.... tig is going to make dessert for Saturday night at Tomo’s... tig will make an angel food cake with fresh strawberries and blueberries & cream.... tig’s looking forward to a slave served dinner with Tomo.... in fact tig is looking forward to getting away period! tig needs a little space right now.... in fact tig will need to email Master behr when he gets home requesting permission to miss doing Friday thru Sundays journals.... tig doesn’t want to bring his laptop this trip.... and therefore wouldn’t have access to a computer.... not to mention that the distance from everyone and everything might be what tig needs to refocus his energies back where they belong.... it’s not an easy thing to do to change Masters mid stream and not feel somewhat discombobulated. tig was looking at the community calendar and noticed that Master is looking to go to Masters & Slaves 06 in Washington DC, in June .... tig will check with Anne to see if they could put us up for the weekend.... that will save some money for sure... and they are only in Woodbridge ... not to far away.... that would be fun and a great time for the guys to meet Anne & Steve and wen & Master Curtis... or Bill... whoever goes.... lol..... tig really hopes that wen backs out of that mess and stays with Master Curtis.... tig really thinks they can work through this bump in the road.... these long days are beginning to get tiring... tig is glad that he has Friday off.... tig can sleep in a bit.... will need to ask Master Curtis tonight what he wants tig to wear and bring for the weekend....

[private post] Day two ... no sleeping

  • Jan. 31st, 2006 at 7:23 PM

*** note: tig posted this journal only after having it proofread and approved by alpha slave pup…. tig was worried that this may be misconstrued as tig using the journal to lay blame for what happened…. That is not the case in any way, shape or form… this journal is listed in live journal as private…. And is for community members only ***



day two with no sleep... and a night from hell to boot.... it was a continuation of Sunday the bill & suu saga continues.... after a lot of chatting tig closed off.... but spent a good amount of time thinking about why tig didn’t trust Master Behr... so tig is going to delve in this topic today.... tigs understanding and beliefs of trust... why the lack of trust with Master Behr? What are the missing components? ... Where to go from here?....

trust isn’t easy for tig, being hurt from the start tends to force a guilty till proven innocent attitude.... trust for tig is a connection, an understanding and a meeting of the minds which is gained through communication, contact, a presence. Without that there is nothing to base the trust on.... blind trust or trust through another (you should trust him because of me) only leads to hurt and pain.... so... the first question is why Master Behr? lack of contact? yes! ... not showing and exercising his Master status prior to this past weekend? yes! ... big lack of consistency... most definitely.... all of which is understandable... but not excusable.... for the past 8 months tig has looked to Master Cage as his Master and trainer along with pup and Master Behr.... why? who has done the training thus far? not Master Behr... Master Cage has walked tig through the protocols and the rules and pup has answered questions and guided tig though complications.... who’s missing? Master Behr..... that is why there is no trust built up yet!.... even in the late chat with Master Behr... a glimmer of trust shown through.... a connection... can that happen more consistently? only Master Behr can answer that one.... tig is and will always be available to the community via text msg, during the day, phone, IM, email (mostly nights) ... but Master Behr can’t seem to find the time to chat and train and find that connection... it doesn’t seem to be in his schedule.... One big this was said by Master Behr that has tig worried.....does Master Behr fully trust tig? If so... why is tig not considered in his eyes as a family member? Is this a response to Master Behr’s possibly feeling “left out”? tig does after all have a close relationship with pup and has a growing relationship with Master Cage.... but none to speak of with Master Behr..... Something to think about later.... where this is all going to go is solely the responsibility of Master Behr and how he is going to deal with the communications issue... will he not do anything and continue the way things are? will he make an effort to rectify the issue? or will tig just have to accept it as the norm to always being punished for misunderstanding orders that are misinterpreted because Master Behr doesn’t communicate? where is the future? tig was just thinking of something Master Cage told tig during the visit.... is this a result of Master Behr’s thinking that tig wanted his position? or that tig was going there to take over? the subconscious mind does a lot of things.....

[protected post] the good, the bad, the ugly

  • Jan. 30th, 2006 at 6:18 PM

Guess tig will have plenty of time today to journal... less work than we had last week... ARGH! tig is kind of glad that he has this time.... especially today! tig needs to dump a lot of baggage... the flee was great Master Curtis, wen, stoney and tig had a great time.... good chat and great company... but then came Sunday morning, tig read through his email to find one from Behr... one that really threw tig for a loop.... Behr wanted tig to totally disassociate himself from the Maine community, to totally crawl under a rock until the move in March....He requested a synopsis of the time that tig had with bill & suu and contact information so that He can solve the issue of the infamous email that was sent to just 4 people in the community... Wow.... tigger hit the ceiling.... this was way over the edge for what really needed to be done.... which tig had already taken care of last week and at the flee with bill & suu.... what it boils down to is something that wen said.... misguided caring! but tig explained that their actions were not honorable and hurt tig in ways that they don’t understand.... both bill & suu did apologize for not informing tig about the email and for hurting tig by spreading rumors behind tigs back.... tig is satisfied with that and is going to let it go.... but then to the issue with Behr..... after tig read the first email from Behr, tig took some time to write the history but to also take some time and explain tigs reasoning behind not wanting Him to contact bill & suu .... and what exactly would happen if he did..... well.... tig received back an angry ,snip remark that simply said.... guess you made up your own mind.... good luck.... this response hurt tig.... Behr wasn’t thinking about the history and how delicate the balance is here in Maine.... tig became confused with the emails. the first said He didn’t have all the information yet still He chose to inflict rules that would cause so many more issues and possible contact with bill & suu that would only fuel the energy they have against the Cage Community.... anything in the emails would soon become public and then the fun would begin.... that is how they work!.... everything tig doesn’t want or need at this point in time.... tig is just looking for a quiet exit from Maine... a small dinner with close friends... nothing more.... chatted with pup this morning and was assured that everything would be ok... tig wishes that he could be that positive.... tig is really at a cross point in thought right now.... to please the three of them tig must surrender all rational thought and just blindly obey everyone.... (keep the peace and please everyone).... living over here that doesn’t seem to be possible. so, tig is left with chancing being punished for obeying the rational orders and challenging the irrational... inevitably a damned if you do- damned if you don’t situation... (in short.. disobeying a direct order) which from what tig understands is the basis for most slaves failing... tig will need to be very careful and weigh all the options before heading down a definite course of action.... tig has spent the day down on himself... a feeling that tig doesn’t like to have... not because of what happened but because of his own failings that became prevalent... tig realized that he in fact doesn’t totally trust Behr yet... why? tig doesn’t really know the real “him”... tig knows of his history but the connection point hasn’t been cemented yet... probably due to the lack of communication... falling short of emailing him every day and hoping that he gets a response; tig isn’t sure what else he can do to get the communication ball rolling..... as an example...pup and tig can send just a few words via text and the conversation is started, dialogued, and completed... can that also happen with Behr? training will be very interesting if it can’t.... hopefully Behr will chat with tig and clear the air so that we can start anew with a better understanding of who each other is....
well Friday tig heads back to NYC for a final tour and Metro Mast meeting... looking forward to everything... especially the formal dinner being put on by Tomo and served by his slave.... wen is supposed to give tigger the details as to dress, protocol, etc.... Tomo has also invited us to use their private dungeon.... hmmm... what interesting things does Master Curtis have planned this time? tig is looking forward to the play time....

[protected post] FFF and a not so great day.....

  • Jan. 29th, 2006 at 7:07 PM

tonight isn't going to lead to a long involved journal... tig has a lot on his mind and finds it hard to sort it out and type it in.... the fetish flee was great met a lot of great people and got to watch wen get fitted for a new corsett... stoney bought one too.... all for his $.99 budget lol.... it must be nice to have disposable funds .... oh well... the day was great to say the least.... well worth the trip! but then all good things come to an end... tig returns only to get an email from Master that is way off base.... but tig isn't going to get into that now... maybe tomorrow.... tig is going to copy this over on the community site then might watch some TV.... or maybe just listen to music....

[protected post] a down day

  • Jan. 27th, 2006 at 7:01 PM

last night was fun.... went to Portland with wen and Master Curtis for dinner, dessert and chat. tig needed to bounce everything that was going on with bill & suu off of wen for some sound advise... of course wen was there with what tig was expecting to hear.... just ignore them and not make an issue... guess it’s time to write bill & suu off the books and just forget they exist... as hard as that sounds.... tomorrow is BOSTON!! and the flee... tig is looking forward to it; this is the big one .. not like the fall one that is small in size... tig asked last night about what he was to wear... Master Curtis said; kilt, boots, full harness, wrist cuffs and collar... tigs happy about that! :) guess tig won’t have a lot of chances to wear his kilt in CA... after this weekend tig will see what Master wants tig to wear for the NYC trip... especially for the surprise that wen gave tig last night... we have been invited to long island for a slave served dinner with Tomo what a thrill.. to see a trained slave in action and in service.... Tomo also has invited us to use their dungeon.... then to also attend Mast and possibly meet some well known people... and also Master Tip and slave rick... what a weekend that will be!!! so many right things are happening right now... and it feels wonderful... to know that what tig is doing is for Master Cage... and that by bettering myself tig will be better suited and trained for Master... kneeling next to Master Curtis at the Mast meeting means so much more knowing that He is there as proxy for Master Cage... tig hopes that we will be able to attend the California Mast groups.... tig feels that it is time to begin networking the community... would like to chat with Master about designing a logo for the community.... maybe just the cage used on the site... will need to inquire tonight..... tig chatted with Master Curtis and wen about having one last scene that they would push tig over the edge... tig might have some teaching to do when he gets to CA.... impact play is awesome when done right.... Behr will learn…  maybe Jim could help…..

[protected post] a long day.....

  • Jan. 26th, 2006 at 10:15 PM

what a long night... yesterday while tig was fixing his lunch he cut his finger... it didn’t bleed much, so tig cleaned it and put a band-aid on it and continued.... about half way to work it decided to start bleeding... a lot! so tig got to work and cleaned it up and put a new set of band-aids on it... it bled a bit but it stopped so tig just let it go for the day.... well... got home and decided that he should change the dressings... ended up soaking the band-aid off and yup... it started to bleed again... tig tried everything he could think of to stop it but to no ends.... so at about 7:30 tig went to the ER of course it finally stopped bleeding ... but they cleaned it and covered it and sent tig on his way... after 4 hours... they also upped tigs tetnus shot... yee haw! now tigs left arm hurts too! but still going to dinner with wen and Master Curtis tonight... tig needs to chat... it’s now 10:58am and tigs work is done... but they won’t let us leave... so tig will do his journal and do some reading later this afternoon.... tig likes down time but this is starting to get really old.... tig IM’d pup last night about a big bill & suu issue that tig having... unfortunately pup was in a meeting then going to dinner with bosses... so was upset that he wasn’t available to help tig with the issue.... Master and Behr went to a training class for Rainbows.... so tig opted to send pup an email explaining what was going on... which he did... tig will chat with wen and Master Curtis tonight about it and see if they have any insight.... everything else is pretty quiet.... tig is excited about going to the flee on Saturday.... sounds like it’s going to be a fun time. tig will need to find out tonight what he is to wear. :D the following weekend (F-S) tig is going back to NYC for a trip to Paddles and the Mast meeting... definitely looking forward to that.... hope to see Master Tip and slave rick again... Since tig has the time tig should really look at what is going on with bill & suu. what a mess... tig doesn’t have all the details as to the reasoning but was informed of this from a reliable friend... the week prior to tigs weekend in Camino, bill and/or suu supposedly emailed a few choice friends concerning tig and his running away to California in search of this pipe dream that he seems to have.. and how he is recklessly abandoning his parent, running from personal issues and issues with bill, suu, sakinah, ALUR, SMAK and a few other people and friends, not to mention tigs leaving a solid job career.... since then tig has gotten a few emails and phone calls concerning this... it hurts to have people question tigs integrity and reasoning... so tig has only known the Community for 7 months.... so tig has only met the Community twice.... so what is the issue??? people don’t seem to understand that the reason tig can and is doing this is all based around trust.... bill, of all people should know this... we chatted so much on that same topic.... yes a lot of it is blind trust, tig is still learning who these three people really are and what they will mean in the big picture of tigs life.... but if tig doesn’t allow himself to be free and to trust openly and blindly... then tig will remain in a little bubble all his life and experience nothing... tigs dilemma right now is how to put this to rest. should tig do a general email the people on the list and let them know tigs feelings and to do it in a way that doesn’t acknowledge the sender of the email and offer fuel to the fire? or should tig just let it go and not do anything? what about if bill and/or suu contact tig... should tig confront them? or again just ignore them? why do they get such pleasure from hurting tigger? ... does it make them feel good about themselves? ... do they get pleasure from it in some sick way? tig dreads the possibility of meeting them at the flee... tig wishes that they could see how much it effects tig emotionally... it is hard for tig to just ignore what they are doing and saying because tig prides himself on keeping a good name to honor Master... so what they do is a dishonor to Master. but what is the proper way to stop it? can there ever be peace in this relationship? will leaving be the only way?

2006 February - March

[protected post] tomorrow!

  • Mar. 16th, 2006 at 11:54 PM

tomorrow.... the last day at tdbanknorth. tig is scared of leaving... it's the end of an era... tig is leaving a lot of friends and a major comfort zone. 12 years of work written in history and a closing of a book... chatted with wen tonight about saline injection looks real neat... would like to have that done at some point in time... wen said the medical issues are negligable... that really helps... but it should be done by someone that has done it... which is understandable... maybe after tig gets to CA we could look into this....

[protected post] the center

  • Mar. 15th, 2006 at 8:36 PM

Centering... focus... vision... as tig looks towards his upcoming move he finds it increasingly hard to focus on anything... it takes tig a lot more work to remain focused on the needs and desires of Master and the community. It’s amazing how the picture tig has on his computer helps to bring things back to focus. Will that happen while there? Will focus be hard? tig doesn’t think it will... but how about during the trip? tig will spend the days focused on the road... on the travel... what can tig do to keep his focus on Master? a deeper question is... why does tigs focus shift? is it that tigs need a presents in his life causes tig to sway in focus from Master? hmmm tig doesn’t think so… tig feels that is it just the stress of the move and the nerves involved…. Tig will have to monitor his focus when he gets there to be sure that it isn’t a need for a partner… today marks the end of day three and the beginning of day two… its so surreal! It feels so weird…

[protected post] a little time down...

  • Mar. 14th, 2006 at 10:31 PM

tig is at the same place as he was yesterday.... even chat with the community was somewhat boring... maybe its the need to separate from work... things at the house are going ok... mom is moody when it comes to my leaving... I've tried to get her to chat with Master... to hopefully alleviate some of the worries that she has... she doesn't seem to want to listen to tig... dad... well no change there.... Robert called looking for a loan of 1000.00... told him I could get it... but he can't have it.... he wasn't too happy... tig is looking forward to friday to say goodbye to the bank... it will be a bitter sweet day....

[protected post] quiet today

  • Mar. 13th, 2006 at 11:58 PM

a quiet day today.... work was ok... went tanning.... chatted with pup a bit then with Master.... decided to make the trip alone... everything will be ok.... chatted with Behr also... it was good to see him back online... and feeling better.... Master was saying that it hit both of them... tigs last day is coming up... it scary to think about it.... 12 years of friendships.... wow... a lot of history at TDbanknorth....

[protected post] the start of the end

  • Mar. 12th, 2006 at 8:22 PM

a busy day traveling today... went to visit my aunt in MA... left early and just got home... at 8:08pm... and tig is tired! it was nice to see her new apartment and help move things where she wants.... but over all it drains the spirit... tig comes home mentally exhausted. scruffy was online but was getting ready for work and didn't want to chat... tig is looking forward to his last week at tdbanksnorth... woohoo!

[protected post] a wonderful day!

  • Mar. 11th, 2006 at 11:14 PM

Today was an awesome day…. Beautiful 55 degree weather… sunny and warm! What more could one ask for…. Ummm… maybe Master to be here…… tig has had an inner peace today that has been wonderful… a calm… something that tig hasn’t felt in a long while… but also one that tig isn’t going to question… one lesson that tig learned along time ago…. Tig was instructed to just relish the feeling and it will get stronger…. Tig heard from scruffy tonight… he was pretty upset…. Said he was feeling like he was going to be put out of the community…. told him to talk to them … not me… that tig could understand both sides…. And was not going to get in the middle…. This was between scruff and Master and/or pup….. not tig…. Tonight’s MAsT meeting was great, Master Curtis and slave wen did a great job…. Tig hopes that it can keep going and someday turn into a NY type of meeting…. Tomorrow we go to MA to visit… :D
Fun, fun, fun!

[protected post] FRIDAY!!!!!!

  • Mar. 10th, 2006 at 10:10 PM

It’s Friday! One week from today will be my last day at TDBanknorth! WOW... what a scary thought... 12 years of work.... ending! tig sits and reflects often on everything that has happened in the 12 years... so many people have come and gone in tig time... so many branches, banks, friends have been added.... and too many friends have been lost... for many there is still that sense of loss... tig doesn’t think that will go away... friends are hard to loose... leaving friends here at the bank will be hard too.... Clemence, Madeleine, Flora, Barb, Shirley and Lorraine.... such great people... such great times ... the loss will be great for them as well as for tig.... just for the fun of it... tig spent 24960.00 hours with these people... 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year .... 12 years..... WOW!

[protected post] a boring day.....

  • Mar. 9th, 2006 at 7:15 PM

A wet gloomy day today…. Work was ok… took on a few projects just to keep busy… last nights chat was good… missed having Behrs wit there… he was real quiet… that bothers me… guess there is a lot more going on than tig knows about…. Things are slowing down a bit finally…. Only 6 working days left… that is scary… it’s such an odd feel… but things are picking up with work in CA… that’s a real comfort….

[protected post] to chat or not to chat???

  • Mar. 8th, 2006 at 4:50 PM

What an interesting chat last night.... the topics were “was or is our BDSM life based on sexual fantasy?” “is sex a driving force in your BDSM life?” “ do you hold your Master to grow in a spiritual/enlightened way?” “should your Master/Dom aspire to a higher plain?”. The first two have been answered so many times but the second set was more intriguing ... Should a Master aspire to a higher plain... tig feels yes... no matter what we do or who we are in life and relationships we are all students and must learn and grow in that knowledge... there are no perfect Masters... just as there are no perfect slaves.... if you find a “perfect” Master... move on you and he will grow weary of each other real soon. lack of growth on both or one side of the relationship will cause the relationship to become stagnant and die out.... Does tig hold Master to grow to a higher enlightened/spiritual plain? tig has to say yes... and has seen that growth, Master reads up on the lifestyle and gains new insights... and hopefully incorporates those into His being Master of the community... it would be interesting to chat about that on the trip.... to see just how Master grows in His journey as Master.... tig isn’t sure about pup and Behr... do they aspire to a higher plain? if so, how are they working to that goal? or are they? if not why? We then got on the topic of punishment.... and how it is looked at differently... some folk feel that physical punishment is the only way to go... some feel mental/emotional punishment.... but most felt that if an error was made unintentionally that it is more productive to find out what happened, why was the error made and deal with the reason on a constructive basis... that physical punishment is seen as short term... and forgotten about rather quickly... case in point: tigs punishment for forgetting to replace his ring after a shower.... tig was physically “punished” and mentally punished.... 20 cloth pins to the scrotum and 3 days without the ring and what stuck with tig was loss of the ring for the three days... not the cloth pins... they were painful at the time.... but became more enjoyable.... how does one physically punish a pain slut??? does mental punishment work? what about emotional? should emotional stuff be equated with punishment? is that abuse? how would the sub/slave handle just talking over the infraction and discussing why it happened ... what is the deeper meaning/reason? would that last longer than a slap on the hand? something that Master, pup and Behr might want think about..... tig is really looking forward to the trip west.... the chat will be very interesting..... tonight is community chat... pup say everyone should be there... most likely scruffy won’t be there as well as hound... so it’s just tig and the family.... should be interesting....

[protected post] better???

  • Mar. 7th, 2006 at 5:04 PM

tigs feeling a bit better today... still haven’t eaten anything but at least I don’t feel as bad as yesterday afternoon.... chatted with Master and Behr a bit yesterday.... asked permission to be excused from journaling... and to see what address tig should use... Master warned tig that Behr was in a bad mood... and he was right... don’t know what was going on and am pretty sure tig doesn’t want to know.... work is ok... 8 working days left... and am ready for it to end.... mom and dad are doing ok... not much else going on.... except that tig reread a few journal entries back... without further explanation it sounds like tig is eliminating communication totally.... and that is not what tig means.... what tig is limiting is the “official” stuff... discussing rules, assignments anything that has to do with training or the community will be done solely with Behr... thus eliminating the grey areas.... leaving no room for misconceptions or misunderstandings.... as for pup... tig has reopened (on a very limited basis) some daily communication with pup... mainly just to keep focused.... and Master... well, tig was instructed to not initiate communications with Him... tig guesses that there are exceptions like yesterday.... where tig was looking for Behr.... but then Master wanted to chat a bit about the trip anyway... tigs concern about the trip is that it will be a lot for Master to handle.... driving to Portland OR then flying to Manchester NH then driving back to Camino over 5 days... that’s a lot of traveling.... but it is totally up to Master.... tig would like the company... hmmm.... lunch has managed to stay down... that’s a good thing.... saw Aline’s new puppy... what a cutie! I’ll have to share the pics with the guys... going to contact BofA to see if they got tig app... tig hopes to be able to start work no later than April 24th .... that works out to leaving on the 9th... 5 days driving... 1 week of settling in ... then back to work... seems doable... but then it depends on what Master has planned for tig.... ;)

[protected post] a day with David

  • Mar. 4th, 2006 at 8:38 PM

Tig is a tired puppy tonight…. Spent the majority of the day with David… we went to a movie, to the mall, to dinner and back to the mall…. It was a long afternoon/evening…. But tig enjoyed our time just cuddling here at the house watching a rented movie… it was nice to just have that time to touch, caress and feel a man next to me…. He had to go at 7:30 though… he has a project at work early tomorrow….  bummer! All tig can do is wish him the very best in all that he does…. Next weekend is the initial MasT meeting at wens… tig is real glad that she is having it early… tig really wanted to attend since he is a charter member…. Tig is looking forward to the meeting… its hard to believe that in ten working days tig will be done at the bank…. wow!

[protected post] can't think

  • Mar. 3rd, 2006 at 8:44 PM
</